Tales of the Easily Forgotten 1
by Migranes
Summary: A bitter Troll SK recalls his acquaintances' stories and interactions in Norrath. No one was a famous hero nor were anyone's efforts worth a moment of their time. At least no one starved.
1. Troll with a Death Wish

Tales of the Easily Forgotten

Intro and Advisory: All the stories, yes all, are based on 'real-life' interactions in Everquest whether it be the tutorial-only server, the emulated or the 'real ones'. Some are 2nd or so on hand recollections, others I saw myself. Names, races, dates and affiliations have been altered. I'm not a source of accurate lore 'cause I only watched the hit box. I'll try not to go too far off of course.

I thought, or maybe I just dreamt that long ago I strolled through the swamps of Innothule before those Froglok swine invaded it. When everyone had their own path and each action had few rewards but greater consequences.

Perhaps, I was born in those times and died, and it was all a memory. Perhaps it was just musing over tales I had been told. Family joked I coulda been a bard if Trolls weren't notoriously known for their bad singing.

As I prepare to permanently retire from adventuring I think about how unremarkable my own tales and others' have been.

Then I think about how that's all that's left, memories like froglok footsteps outside Guk only to disappear in the mud. No one remembers them, and if so they're muddied by other experiences. Like picked Froglok my stomach feels full but bittered or soured or somethin' ona account of all my adventures. I'd much rather be a smithy or somethin' in Neriak with all that happened.

My adventures began when I was dropped on my fat warty ass in the Mines of Gloomingdeep by the invisible hand.


	2. Killing of Krenshin

Chapter I: Killing of Krenshin

I and countless other brother Trolls and Ogres were slaves and injured by a band of kobolds in a great underground fortress spanning several continents. I was just gonna deliver a letter so I could be a better Shadow Knight

Anyway, I woke up, some two-legged thing told me we could escape since he got rid of the bars of the cell, I couldn't see good so I just accepted the offer.

I escaped, I beheaded the dog-man and I gave a shirtless Robin Williams-faced Barbarian the key; we were free.

A rebellion formed in a few hours with Robin Williams as our fearless leader. It all happened so fast my Troll mind couldn't comprehend it…

You could almost say the scene loaded only briefly in my mind.

After a few hours of weapons practice killing giant rats we slaves were set. Those rats were mean and knocked the wind out of me after biting my knees a few times.

I sat on the sandy cave floor as slaves scurried about getting weapons to take down the kobold king or the demon that lurked deep in the pits of the mines. The goblin slaves owned by the kobolds had dug too far or woke someone they shouldn't have up. The king or demon was cranky.

I was tired and my eyesight only barely better.

For hours I waited for someone to allow me to join their attempt in slaying the beast. I even left a crudely painted wooden sign by the kobold merchant advertising my search for a group.

A white tiger-striped Vah Shir sashayed past me and into the arms of an unexpecting black-robed sleeping Dark elf wizard.

Well, you don't know who it was, it was Korpurra, a Vah Shir with the sexual appetite and supposed cruelty of a dragon in heat. Even then, she never gave me a time of day. Anyway, horny dragons are really, really scary.

She rubbed her head against his inactive white-robed lap like a cat would to its owners leg, sickening despite all the other mine-slaves rebels watching. Later, this would turn into a more oral affair. Lapping with that moist, slightly hooked tongue…

A blue robed Erudite made his way toward us and watched Korpurra for a moment.

"Troll, I've noticed you're looking for a party to kill Krenshin," he said all properly like Erudites always do with proper enunciation.

"Yeah," I muttered back.

I thought that's what all the slaves were trying to do, kill the boss with the funny name.

"I'm Issak, welcome. We will gather at the tunnels by Krenshin's layer."

I followed the Erudite past many winding tunnels, but something was amiss… The guardsmen were missing. In fact ,the tunnels were completely devoid of life.

"Do you think Krenshin finally escaped?" A delicious pot-bellied halfling asked Issak.

Issak thought deeply, his tall forehead gaining a wrinkle.

I wanted to ask who Krenshin was, to make sure I had the right guy I had to bash in, you know? But I held back.

Briefly, I saw a glimmer of death incarnate. The guards were following a hoard of creatures following each other like a mine-cart train of death. At the forefront stood Krenshin, I knew in my greasy gullet.

Big muscular and brown like a furless, skinless ape with bright red eyes and the maw of a hungry shark.

As soon as the demon appeared, the vision faded and the guards were gone. Left in his wake were the bodies of two blue Frogloks in light grey chainmail.

My view was filled with confusing tunnels down the mineshaft that gave no hint toward any direction except for a fall to my death. I followed my groupmates closely and fearfully until I heard a rumbling.

Issak grabbed my arm and stopped my walking, "Don't go down there Troll, Krenshin lives here. We must wait for the others."

"Wat others? Imma good tank! Duh, I can kill Krenshin alone."

Issak scoffed, "No, you can't. You're not from a rich family and fully twinked."

A few moments passed by and I saw an exhausted-looking Dark elf, the delicious Halfling and Korpurra.

"This is Abelar," the dark elf nodded at Issak's introduction, "Korpurra," she ignored me, "and Akio," the Halfling also ignored me. "Everyone ready?"

"I've seen Korpurra under your robes wizard," Akio bluntly blurted.

Korpurra smiled seductively but the Dark elf had a strangely blank look on his face.

I ran down the tunnel like a Froglok fool following the strange smell of spice and excrement and all else followed behind me.

Kenshin was a massive beast that charged me like a frenzied ape. He clawed across my cloth scale-covered flesh as I futilely swacked at him with a fake wooden sword given to me by a chronically depressed wood elf.

The wizards seared his thick skin with heat and ice as Korpurra blasted my body with soothing healing spells.

Krenshin fell and his frostbitten and bubbly body disappeared into smoke. He had no treasure trove. We were alive and free from those mines.

As we rested I sat next to the wizards.

"Abelar, you're a lucky bastard," the Erudite mused as he massaged his perfectly pointed curly dark haired goatee.

Abelar was strangely silent as he glanced over toward Korpurra with a dazed look on his face.

With arms crossed Issak indignantly blurted out "Oh come on. Admit it. That had to be good. The way they us that."

"Krenshin died easy," I blurted out naively.

"But was there…consent? No sir, this was not right." the purple cabbage-skinned wizard paused.

"Oh no! Come on," the Halfling retorted.

I was very confused, and said so, "Wut?"

"You're all fools!" The dark elf looked both embarrassed and enraged as he abruptly paused.

"What? Are you gay or something bro?" Akio the pot-bellied Assling asked.

"No, but there was no consent! It was a violation. I've been violated by a giant house cat!" He glared at me and the chums laughing, " Stop laughing you imbeciles!"

Korpurra purred, "You're no man elf, you liked it."

Then, I saw a flash of blue and a mischievous croak. A blur of monsters rushed at me… Then, darkness.


	3. The Prodigy

Chapter II: The Warrior Prodigy

I awoke stripped of all my belongings near a creek in an unfamiliar green land. At least I had my soiled brown loincloth. It was very smelly and moist, like the diaper of a frightened child.

My surroundings was a vast green place, some sign said it was Crescent Reach. I shambled past the sign into some strange red-ornamented market place. My view was filled with vastiness, emptiness and simplicity. It was some sort of frontier town.

Merchants in the city were very odd, they looked human but had the almond shaped snake eyes designs and weird scaled markings all over their faces and limbs.

Later, I would learn they were Drakkin, humans 'touched' by dragons, whatever that meant. I assume it meant molested in some way. What would sleep with a dragon? Their penises are big as me tall hidden under all those scales.

I was scared at the strange people, strange things must be attacked.

I did what all scared Trolls do, attack. I attacked a guardsman with weird crooked swords… I assume it was a man, they looked so androgynous. Another immediately rendered me unconscious with a blackjack.

I awoke outside the city surrounded by drakes, spiders and snakes.

"Do you know aunt is? A small Vah Shir's voice asked.

I ignored.

"You need help mister Troll, you'll be my friend?"

"Wut?" I opened my eyes to see a Vah Shir child in full metal plate like he was going off to kill something and not to pretend.

"You're almost naked mister, I was too when I got here, I'll help you. The frogs, they got you too didn't they?"

"I don't be needin' yer help... The froogs?"

"I'm Loobaabu, my father trained me to be a warrior and to wear plate before he got killed. I can help you if you follow me to the caves."

"Why do ya wanna help me? Whut caves and how do I know dis ain't a trap?" Quickly, I crossed my bumpy arms.

"It's not, I promise."

I hesitantly followed Loobaabu past a rickety mottled bridge to a place full of hills and fuzzy rabid wildlife.

Loobaabu then handed me a sword and we mutilated a few bears and mountain lions together. He began by loping the head off one with two strikes of his strange darkened longsword. At his side, was a small metal shiv that he also used to kill lions.

That kid had mad skills despite being the equivalent of eight years old by Vah Shir time.

We slaughtered mountain lions in the caves and sold their pelts, within a few days I had enough to buy my first set of armor. Despite us beating the mountain lions in a single blow Loobaabu refused to travel further.

"No, a snake in Blightfire Moors killed my sister. Too dangerous."

"I ain't waitin'," and with that I crossed bridge over an alligator-filled pond and beyond to a swamp. Anyway, I wanted to go home.


	4. Loving Necromancer

Chapter III: Loving Necromancer

I stood in Blightfire Moors, a swamp that reminded me of Innothule near home. However, the swamp was a little too cool and the air smelled different, not as slimy. Frogs hadn't polluted it with their incessant breeding.

There weren't mangroves all over, but then again someone tore those down when the frogloks invaded. A travesty and we never seemed to rebuild.

On my walks through the hillside I was ambushed by a dire rat similar to those in the mines. Despite it only being a rat, the battle was long and at the end I had a large sore on my knee.

As I bandaged my knee I saw a small Vah Shir skeleton gawk at me with its empty head, then, it removed its head.

That was normal skeleton behavior, as was the skeletal form of the necromancer standing beside it.

"Hello," the elf skeleton told me in a sultry female voice with a cruel undertone, "my brother in hatred, should we join to fight the rats?"

"Yeah" I said but I thought, "specially if we roll in the swamp… Hehehe."

Hey now, usually I'd prefer the gorgeous bumpiness of my own kind but one's hand can only do so much. I couldn't wait to get to a brothel with some Troll women.

Together, we fought rats and took their hides to a drakkin guard for a bounty. I was the strong tank, she the damage behind me, Ladydeeth. No one called her that, but me and my memories.

We then used the platinum to buy a new set of gear in the Drakkin city.

As I waited for the necromancer outside the tailoring store, obviously the skeleton desired a pair of shoes since she was taking forever. I adjusted my cool new cage-helmet.

She returned from the store with an empty bag and a mysterious grin. She looked as if she were floating with each step, but it wasn't Dead Man floating spell. Something was amiss. She looked happy in a goodie-goodie way and it hurt my big tummy.

"No get a loot and scoot? Wut happened? Did ya convert to that love goddess lady E-Marr?"

The skeleton shook her head, "Oh its just I met him again. I felt so sorry for him I had to help him get parts for his charm. He was almost naked, poor guy."

This was yet another disappointment, Lavubi or whatever was already in a relationship.

"Well, wut about the money? Did I get my heal pots?"

"Here," Lavubi handed me the lowest quality heal pots I had ever seen.

"Whut? Where's the rest? Did ya sleep with 'em for plat or whut?"

Lavubi was too 'in love' to fully comprehend me, "Oh no, he refused that exchange, I gave it to some pathetic Vah Shir child on the way out. Damn Wood Elves and their sexy tight buns."

Outraged I babbled "Ya whut? I hope it ain't dunn cat-killin' brat, his parents musta be richer than both of us together. Yer a shame to Inny."

"No, I'm not, I hate in more profound and less simple, obvious ways than you," she muttered as we walked toward the swamps.

We began to fell sentient treants, weird walking trees that scared me at first. The battle was long but fulfilling.

Lavubi casted a snare on a nearby giant. These were funny, like everything else in molested-dragon-human land.

They looked sort of like frost giants, but without the blue shine. All of them had big beards and funny hats. When I hit them, "help" in their language sounded like someone vomiting.

Lavubi was low on mana and I was getting tired of killing. The giant we were assaulting slowly began to flee us, yelling 'help' as he did.

I followed, but then the ground beneath me rumbled and I heard loud bellowing ahead. Then, my heart raced and sweat gathered as I saw a huge train of giants try to overwhelm us. Luckily, we were both able to play dead until the giants passed.

We separated ways after I asked Lavubi if she'd like to share an inn room. She fled.

Anyway, after resting in the city inn, I again returned to the swamps to assist a young shadow knight ogre named Gorgo who wanted to kill a spirit wolf for this blue-scale dragon girl who wore dark blue robes. She looked like a blueberry whose gender I could barely tell. She had an upturned nose on a fat face with dark red eyes.

We followed the two past white rats which I would later discover were excellent fighting practice and super easy to kill despite their bluffing.

Around us was a heavily foggy forest that I could hardly see through. Ghost wolves howled in anguish.

Gorgo didn't speak much for an ogre, I think something was funny with his head. He grunted to get things across, but I had to help a future brother in darkness.

The drakkin girl wasn't impressed with Gorgo's and my attempt killing ghost-wolves that lurked the forest. We were getting seriously injured with lacerations throughout our bodies.

"I knew you couldn't help me, I got the Golden Order of the Daylight Sun to help us."

"Goods?" I blurted out, I couldn't believe it!

"NO, GODS, Waluce, officer is posed to help us. Yeah they's got light-siders, doesn't mean a ting," she told us.

Easy for a neutral to say, I saw a horn-helmeted Barbarian berserker with thick, crazy red braided hair and shaggy crazy human beard. A red-sleeved arm of a dainty dark elven woman was wrapped about his brawny shoulder with her red nails brushing his fine bronze armor. He had a marking on his armor, the face of a pale vampire woman with blood tears.

He looked like one of those crazy guys in City of Mist.

I growled in jealousy while Gorgo took tasty ear wax from his ear and nibbled it. With a beauty mark, thin high eyebrows, narrow-heart shape faced deep purple lips and too perfect body (for a dark elf) face stood Lavubi. Her body was like a black widows, with a tiny waist and big ass and breast.

"Iz dis da naked guy from Reach?"

Lavubi stood akimbo and sighed deeply.

"Gee, I hope not. No Troll, I'm Waluce officer of GODS. You can join us, we'll make you uber and stuff."

"Really? Dunn have good siders doin' good stuffs?"

"No, most guilds now-a-days are neutral. Of course, we'd be happy to help." He then turned around began hunting for the big-wolf.

I turned to Lavubi, instead of hunting, "Ya'd rather sleep with a Barb ya barely know instead of me? We've bled together? Whut about da guy in Crescent Reach? Does that mean I get a chance some day?"

"No, especially now that you've asked. It wasn't going to work. Waluce is decent, not like those other goods."

Waluce struggled to slaughter the big wolf and Gorgo died, but it was just a blur on my memory. The fueled anger in my thumper was the focus of the day.


	5. Paludal's Evilest Paladin

C Chapter IV: Paludal's Evilest Paladin

GODS was supposed to help, but they never did. The only thing they helped me with was developing my hatred and fostering my future bitterness. Good traits for any Shadow knight.

All else I had was rich, food that made you smarter with each bite and a guild tag over my name. They never assisted me with much else.

Waluce and Lavubi forever.

In all my travels until then I had only seen one easily recognizable woman adventurer, Lavubi.

I returned to my home in Grobb to find the froglok slaves again in their pens as is normal. The streets were devoid of freshly-minted troll adventurers wandering. The homes and brothels, too far away, and I couldn't drag myself to them.

Something big was gonna happen in Norrath or was going to happen, for some reason there weren't any new children. No new hatchlings or infants fell out of women like in the old days.

Anyway, I was broke.

A new Plane had opened up called Plane of Knowledge that served as a fast-traveling hub like a bunch of port-paid wizards.

I never thought I'd be on the Luclin I saw on many nights whilst wanking as young Troll. Yet, I did.

I passed a Vah Shir settlement, a city I think, on the way to some caves Lavubi suggested I go to.

The animals were very strange, colorful bugs and weird silver worms. There were really deformed moon-halflings with purple skin massive heads with their brains exposed. They didn't look delicious, they just ignored me.

I made it to the caves where I saw funny yellow-cap mushrooms with eyes. Squinted eyes glared at me wide upon when I attacked the bulbous head of the mushroom and they shut permanently with yellow powder tears when they were slain.

I finally found the 'phargs' I was supposed to kill, they were nightmarish creatures with giant claws to poison me with a disease that made me have virulent, violent and sudden runs for about a day. 'Spreading Crud' it was called. I certainly did so.

As I killed phargs in the dark, watery cave I saw shiny white armor appear in front of a mass of dark. I turned to see a highly-skilled master adventurer half-elf smiling evilly at me as he slew my pharg. I could barely make out his face through his heavy concealing shiny armor.

Then he ran past me with the beasts, I was barely able to play dead. He continued to slay every pharge I attacked along with the pharges of a nearby high elven paladin.

I immediately sent a letter to GODS about this strange half-elf. I could have sworn he was a paladin but his behavior was that of the most brilliant and cruel shadow knight. His armor was so shiny, so protective.

Waluce was familiar and I received a message via fairy courier in the caves, "Oh, that's just Spinilan, the paladin he does that to everyone. Jerk."

This would not be my first encounter with him, but I did learn more from him than any Shadowknight guild master.


	6. Adventurer in Stone Hive

Chapter V: Adventurer in Stone Hive

I followed Lavubi's advice of completing the Serpent Seeker's charm for the librarian by finding a special flower in a place called Stone Hive.

On the way, I from a massive wasp the size of four trolls stuck together.

Stone Hive itself was weird. It looked like what the froglok slaves see when they eat too much magic mushrooms.

I wasn't feeling great from my run, so I climbed a tall mushroom tree and began to bandage myself.

"No Mad, that's too many," I heard a tired nasal voice argue.

I saw below me a female Barbarian shaman in sadly a thick-restraining chain curiass. Her face was covered with half a blue tattoo and she rode of a metal boar, swinging her pretty long brown hair as she closed her thick brown lashes.

She looked so relaxed and calm I couldn't bring myself to wank in her presence. Women were sooo incredibly rare.

Next to her stood a misplaced air element and a white-haired and grey scaled drakkin monk in cheap cloth armor. His funny spiky white hair, snake-ish silver eyes and curled mustache efret goatee scared me.

In the old days I dreamt of long ago, cloth and a rusty dagger was a blessed near damned twinked start, but not at season thirty or more

Yep, that place was strange. Anyway, that air element was weird and made me watch the scene below even more.

I watched her swing a heavy iron club on a strange mobile pitcher plant that casted spells at both her and the monk.

Then, I saw the unthinkable, the monk casted a spell and had control of the air element. That was no monk, it was a very poor mage. I laughed at the scene as the shaman struggled to free herself of a root.

Suddenly, a bixie turned the corner bringing with it six plants, sure death for the poor mage and sexy shammy.

"Mad Leave!" The shaman cried, or as the nickname later would be Madleaf, really it was Slyzeth or something else Drakkin-dragon named themselves.

Rather than leave, Madleaf sent the hapless air element out and the shammy healed like crazy. With the shaman's skills, and whatever it was Madleaf had they somehow lived and disposed of the sentient garden.

"See, we lived," the drakkin told the barbarian icly.

"Too close, craziness. Anyway I got this feeling see that we bein' watched."

I took this chance to leave Stone Hive, seeing that made me not want to stay to be killed by hoard of killer plants.


	7. Quinlaeu's Plot at Mesa

Chapter VI: Quinlaeu's Plot at Mesa

The leader of GODS, a bald one-eyed human monk, Quinlaeu the Quiet, wanted for everyone of the appropriate experience to go to a place everyone just called mesa. It was an obvious ploy to prevent more people following in the steps Tickilok and disbanding from the guild.

"Go to mesa, it'll be fun. I'll not have more people leaving. We help our people here, hell, if I had time I'd help them get a cheap hooker and epics." He clutched his head and paused as if in pain, "In time, we raid the bigs and become strong, protect Norrath." Quinlaeu bellowed behind us as we left.

Tickilok left the guild soon after I had joined. For a hate-filled little frog rogue she sure seemed to be a romantic idealist.

She famously lamented, "I want more than a guild name over my head and food in my stomach, I want comrades to join me in my adventures or at least advice me. Without that, my efforts are useless and my progress non-existent. If they are wise my peers will join me in leaving."

Quinlaeu and other leaders of GODS were infuriated by Tickilok's outburst and warned other guilds not to accept her and her idealism, her want to have assistance, advice and groups on hand. Or so I was told by another guild mate.

They wanted the community to shun Tickilok, but I'm not sure how successful it was since she eventually joined Darkness Descending….

I saw the mage from Stonehive in the guildhall, apparently he had joined GODS too. He was carrying a rusty knife and wearing pathetic cloth armor gear as he approached a meditating Quinlaeu.

"I'll need a better weapon?"

Quinlaeu opened his eyes and scoffed, "Nah, casters don't use weapons. That'll be good for dozens of seasons."

However, upon meditation, Quinlaeu didn't want to lose any more little seasoned adventurers who dreamt big or died small. He had a plan to retain our inflated ranks.

"Forget the weapon, maybe we could find some actual robes for a caster."

I was sympathetic toward Tickilok, the frog's words were right, we were alone in the world but only bound at the dinner plate. I wasn't the only one, so Quinlaeu acted fast.

Mesa was a big contrast to the swamps, it was too bright with the sun glaring down at us. Hot, dry with massive well, mesas and mountains all over.

At mesa, Ladydeath wandered away following the river, and no one was sure why.

Quinlaeu followed us in his orange-tinted leather, smacking loudly and never living up to his name, "The guardsmen here, they have a lot of spare stuff to make armor, if you kill the wolves and bears for them maybe they'll help you out."

As we were killing wolves we were joined by a green Froglok shammy from our guild that I hadn't seen before. She wore a red wide-brimmed hat, fine chain armor also rode a mechanical boar as she idly casted long-term spells on wolves.

I always saw her with this human pally chick being real friendly. Frogs are gross but two girls aren't.

"Could I join?"

"Hmmm? Very well, but then I shall only heal. Your gear is far too poor for one such as I." She spoke slowly.

Her real name was something like Maulokbulogggok and her last name was something that denoted Froglok old royalty. Froggie May was just easier to say.

The bears and wolves clawed into my skin hard and it was difficult, slow killing. Had Froggie May casted her spells on them life would be easy.

"No troll, I will not dot these or slow them," she mooed in her slow proper voice like a cow, "I must only heal my mana pool is only oh-so large.

After every kill, I paused and briskly skinned the creature for the scouts with excess supplies. Big bear, named bear, small wolf, large wolf.

She crossed her slimy green arms. "What in Marr's name are youuu doing foul Troll? Is this not going slow enough? I should never work with the likes of youuu and I shall tell all my acquaintances to avoid youuu."

"I need gear." I simply said, she upturned her face when I said this.

"I could stop," I added, "If I had plat to buy things in the bazaar. I don't."

"Well, don't expect me to help out a filthy, beggar idle lay-a-bout such as yourself. Hmph! The nerve of new adventurers asking for plat and assistance. They want everything handed to them. My family had to work!"

Finally, I couldn't take that Frog's disgusting tongue and I left without a word to turn in my pelts to the guardsmen. They were nice and gave me a suit sub-par, but far better than the bronze I wore as armor.

I tried fighting spiders, they bit hard and I spammed my lifetaps to just stay alive. I also had a lot of down time, which allowed me to meditate on things…

Or just observe the drama that I swam in.

Next, I followed the river north hoping to find Ladydeeth, instead, I only found an Erudite enchanter with the shiny black rook emblem from Darkness Descending on the sleeve of his dark blue robes attacking a griffon.

I watched him struggle against the beast and found it odd he wasn't a maxed seasoned adventurer, only of the 70th season in the best guild in all Norrath.

I sighed I wasn't so blessed to be in a rich, well-connected family like Zeniel Ma-Ulb. With any buff or gear on command they were be maximum season in a heartbeat whereas it would take me several years and that's if I didn't give up. Then, add in several months to be accepted to a guild and years to be raid geared.

Even though we were in the dawning of the reawakening of that scary crystal dragon new adventurers were trying their luck.

As I watched him, his charmed pets and chocking dust spells struggle, another story was in the works…

Ladydeeth was seeking a piece for her charm and required a magical bottle of water at the bottom of a waterfall.

She encountered Mad and his pet Laser attempting to hunt giants on his exploration of the region. Mad now wore a red robe with no benefits to contrast with his prior full suit of shoddy cloth armor with no improvements to his being.

Ladydeeth didn't consider how ill-seasoned the mage nor how long each battle with the giants took.

"Hello, magician, I need your help getting to the waterfall," the sexy dark elf necromancer told the busy mage.

"I'm only the 37th season, I don't see how I can assist you. There's…" She paused him

"I can kill everything my self, I just need someone to bring me to the waterfall."

"Fine, I'll show you the way, but nothing that will happen is my concern and is simply your own risk."

"I will pay you five plat for this assistance, I am Lavubi guildmate." She smiled at the strange mage.

Quickly, with an invisibility spell, both made it to the waterfall through the dry, boring and rugged countryside. Mad avoided the hoardes of angry funny giants, smoking spiders and really, really poisonous snakes.

As Ladydeeth reached into the water she was greeted by yellowish-clear jelly substance, it burned through her perfect purple skin and she felt herself weaken as strong corruption flooded her veins.

"Slyzeth, there is something in this water! It took all my buffs from Froggie May away. I can't reach the bottle!"

"Yes, some of the creatures here are very dangerous," he responded casually as he scanned the dangerous dry land for ever more danger.

"They cast a corruption spell on me! Magician, you must assist me in fighting these creatures, maybe that will end the spell," Ladydeeth called out.

Slyzeth glanced at her, and then glanced at the train of dozens of oozes and angry mesa fairies rushing toward the river, then back at sexy, wet Ladydeeth.

Rather than respond, he sent his pet in a random direction and fled.

"Slyzeth! You get back here and help me! Coward!"

So, he ran away leaving my poor Lavubi, well War's poor Lavubi, to die due to a virulent corruption toxin. Of course, this wouldn't happen.

Lavubi was blessed with better gear part from luck part from War's efforts.

Froggie May strolled slowly by the river with Zeniel, mooing gossip.

"Buhuhu! I said… Oh dear, that looks bad Zen dear."

Zen nodded and gawked at the train, he attempted to stun it, but more ran an' Froggie May's magic was too feeble to cure near-dead Lavubi who lay near the river playing dead with oozes swarming all over her. They knew she wasn't and they also knew the magician was alive and not yet out of the region.

I tried to fight the oozes but once shot of them nearly slew me, there was no saving her it seemed. Until, the train began to run after Zen and Froggie. They fled north, the train following.

"Lavubi, wut wuz ya thinkin'?" I told the sexy dark elf. I gave her a cure corruption potion I had picked up and began to help her bandage her wounds, but I wondered if it was enough.

"I just wanted to get that piece for my charm Troll, I didn't expect this. No wonder that mage ran away. "

"He did? Anyway, maybe we should kill giants or somethin' instead."

She nodded, and off we went to kill the funny-giants, as we did in the swamps. They made the same noises and died quickly. I admired Ladydeeth's destructive skeletal pet and the toxicity of her spells burning through the giant's veins.

For hours, this continued, I tanked as if I were made of air, the giants hits went through me and they rushed for Ladydeeth despite my efforts.

I was bruised with broken bones but I hardly noticed, and this disturbed me.

I again saw a yellow transparent thing by Ladydeeth, I merely pointed and whimpered.

"What Troll? Oh no!"

We then shouted as we ran, "Train to the Moors!"

She didn't even care I saved her life. I shouldn't have, it was a waste. I could have sold that item in the bazaar for several kiloplats.


	8. No Groups Never and Naddox

Chapter VII: No Groups Never and Naddox

Soon I was the fouty-eighth season and I was alone with no one to guide me on where to go. The only one who acknowledged my existence and need of help and gear was fellow poor man Slyzeth the Mad in obscure and dangerous parts of Norrath, but I wasn't about to suicide for low treasure high risk.

Once, I grouped with that guy in some obscure land full of scary animals and the landscape was all shadowy. I dunno if thems were Luclin or Kunark or what. They weren't Norrathian that's for sure!

I saw piles and trains of 'em and we would run. Mad would gawk at their rarity before killing them and collecting bits of the nameds corpse like some game hunter, I would feign death. He didn't seem to give a shit.

Every time it was like that but always a different zone, and I hated it, so fuck that shit.

There were many other guildies but either they were racist fucks that refused to group with a 'smelly stupid troll' arse scratcher or they had a different schedule. Or excuses that they had their connections and the troll could die in an Assling lard fat fire.

I liked my adrenaline but Mad was a bit much and those other guildies were issue-ridden.

It was a rare day, I managed to snatch a group not run by guildies nor those I was familiar with. Few would grant groups to the stranger for fear of death or worse.

I made my way to Nadox's, I used Deadman's floating to cross a vast sea, and then I simple ran from trains of undead, drogmir, eyed-mushrooms and funny walking plants until I reached the harbor.

I passed an invisible wall…

Shuga-shu, a guildless Erudite wizard invited me to a group in Dulak's Harbor. From gossip I was told to always avoid the guildless, they were trouble makers, thieves, murders, prostitutes, rapists and so on.

At first glance, Shuga-shu wore bright red make up and had a pretty robe. Then, I realized Shuga-shu was actually male. I wasn't sure what to make of the guildess discrimination and the weird appearance of the wizard. So, I ignored it.

I was desperate for a group and assistance in gaining experience and help forget the rest as long as I didn't lose anything but time.

We killed mostly fellow trolls which made me sad since some of the girls were very nice looking. The wizard quickly disposed of the corpses and any valuable trinkets were split.

I think we were in a sacred Inny place but I wasn't sure. We passed a torture room with Iron maidens and the freshly rotten corpse of a gnome within. I saved a piece of the gnome for later.

"Hey Troll, wanna hear a funny joke?"

"Sure," I said as I decapitated a brother brandishing a shiv at me. Despite their appearance the inhabitants of Nadox's were far easier to kill than those creatures in Mesa. Maybe, it was just Shuga-shu's real help blasting those mobs down with his spells.

"If I had two fish I'd name them one and two, so if one died I'd still have two."

It didn't make sense at first, but then I realized it was a clever pun on common tongue.

"Oh! Not too bad I guess."

Eventually, I gained enough experience and hear other bad fish jokes to be of the fiftieth season.

Shuga-shu casted invisibility on us so we didn't have to train mobs on the way to another group.

We passed by lake of lava in order to reach the edge of the cavernous crypt. It was filled with more pirate troll cultists and undead troll sailors. The women were particularly attractive, even when their skin was ash-gray from rot.

A lovely Ogre warior approached us with her fine large face covered with thick make up and her chainmail dyed black or pink. She had a massive flat nose, purple-painted lips and large eyes that would make a frog jealous. She was a guildmate, but I wasn't familiar with her.

"Ey guys, I Puhlog I wanna group and bash dese deaded trolls and stuff in."

We agreed to let her join.

A small, green striped froglok shaman approached us, the last time we'd see him as such named Gazlok Pondweed, he reeked of the stuff like he had taken a hit earlier, but he wasn't nearly relaxed.

"Let's go, let's go! I'm fully buffed out thanks to my five thousand plat, we all here? Off we go we will get the experience."

Gazlok casted a swirling spell of dust and transformed into a large brown bear.

Next, he pulled troll over troll, whole trains I'd barely thought we'd survive. Mad joined us and quickly ran out of mana, his poor Laser stunned the trolls as our endurances faded. Gazlok continued to pull.

Finally, Mad and Shuga-shu sat to rest on the docks outside the ship Hate's Fury in the distance. I joined them.

"Gazlok, we need to meditate and regain mana," Mad responded, "we'll be more effective then."

"Fine", Gazlok then smiled wickedly, "You'll get to relax."

As we tried to relax I saw Mad suddenly rise and send his pet at something… Gazlok had trained us with four trolls. I sighed as I rose with my joins feeling sore and my body completely drained of energy.

Our battle took forever, and afterwards we followed Gazlok. Trolls blurred by as two days of nearly constant pulling passed. People joined and left. Afterwards I slept for a long time and ate and drank insanely.


	9. Shadowknight Epic 1

Chapter VIII: Shadowknight Epic 1.0

I didn't have enough to give the dark elf Kurron Ni money to get started on my epic nor did I have enough to give him the fancy suit of armor he desired. I had been wearing bronze before, afterall.

I asked all GODS members for help but received no response, so I went to the bazaar to find if there was a way.

The materials to make the armor didn't cost much, so I bought that and made it myself. I was familiar with more than the basics of smithing. It only took a few attempts. I sold a spare at the bazaar for a few thousand plat and continued along my way.

When I gave Kurron Ni the materials he attacked me and would have killed me had I not feigned death. Again, I sent a broadcasted message to all GODS members asking for help in the battle.

"Epics aren't ever worth doing, I don't even have my epic. You just suck, that's why you're weak," Quinlaeu casually told me while removing dirt from under his nails from a meditative pose.

Waluce took pity on me, or realized all the not helping people didn't look good.

He arrived in the broad plains of the Overthere to assist me with the battle. It was long and difficult but I finally took the head of Kurron Ni and his messages as revenge.

One of the messages mentioned something about some guy in Paineel, a nice Erudite city by the Hole of the same name. His name was Duriek Bloodpool and he wanted me to fetch some cough syrup.

An ogre named Smaka in the snazzy dark elven city of Neriak sold it. She wanted big plats for it, a thousand to be exact. I gave her a thousand plat but did not receive a cough syrup, so I sighed deeply and gave her another thousand.

"Gimme cough syrup!" I hollered in frustration, that stupid ogre was robbing me blind, perhaps she couldn't count.

The ogre smiled broadly with a blank look in her eyes as she told me for the third time, "You want me cure? It cost lots of money, big big secret it is. Only us ogres know how to make. You wants? Only 1000 platinum! Make you feels bedder in no times!"

I sighed and looked at the next step in the quest, I would later need a book from a very dangerous rat guard in the Hole and something from Cazic Thule himself, so there I went.

After buying Ant pots and shrinking into the Hole from the water by the warrens, I emerged to see Tikilok the traitor and the sexy Barbarian woman shaman fighting earth elements.

GODS wouldn't help me, but the now more seasoned Tiki and the Barbarian would. They were fully buffed afterall.

"Tikilok? Weren't you in GODS?' I questioned shyly as I watched them kill some tough-looking earth elementals with like one to two hits.

"Yes, hello," the rogue told me as she assassinated the element with a backstab to its core.

"I need help wit my epic. There's a rat guardsman that has a book I need. I can follow you outside of group."

"You can come with us. Let's go."

I followed the two through the old ruins, they were big and heavy. I saw heavy elements below a castle and through doors. I saw the ghosts of Erudites craving revenge on the living, and I also saw sentient ratmen. The guard was up and looking bored.

Tiki and the Barbarian shaman casted spells at the beast as I was gestured to stay back. It wasn't the easiest and quickest kill but it did die fast. As I looked through its belonging I found no book!

"Are you sure this is the right guard?" Tiki asked me.

"Yeah dis here guide book on Shadowknight epics be sayin' so."

"Try again, maybe you don't even need this, lots of things I didn't need for the rogue epic."

"Duh, but I think I'll still need help."

"Just ask for invis or whatever," said the shaman, "just tell me when you need.'

According to the ZAM guidebook I had to get something from Upper guk, Cazic and the plane of sky.

I offered a wizard several thousand plat for a port to plane of sky but found none, so I dropped out of the sky, landed in the ocean near Freeport, and made my way to my home swamp to kill filthy frogs.

When I arrived at the froglok shin lord's camp I found an Iksar monk in yellow and a red-headed high elven magician had killed him and that they belonged to a guild called 'harming Companions. Both of them were near max season.

"Has Ghoulbane dropped?"

"Yea, but we're savin' dis for guild-dies," the high elf told me in a funny drawl.

I returned much later, months later, to find they still were at the frog's camp. I again asked them,

"Do you have five hundred thousand plat?" Asked the yellow robed Iksar monk,

"Wut? No!" I quickly responded.

"Then go away Troll, before we call our guildies to train you."

I went to Cazic Thule to find a Iksar monk in a guild called Tradeskillers of Norrath's Company of Circle victorious over the god's avatar's corpse with dead shaman epic tear monsters nearby.

"Did Soul Leech drop?" I asked.

"Get the hell away beggar! The MQ of this shall be at least fifty thousand. AoN will cost one-hundred thousand."

With that, I kicked a palm tree under the red sky of fear and gave up on my epic quest, at least for the time being.


	10. Roost

Chapter IX: Roost

Waluce wanted to help me and Ladydeeth get parts for our charm quest. For saving that dark elf's life I sure deserved some attention though affection was preferred.

We left a massive train in Mesa of harpies and griffons and arrived at a dry, flat plain-grasslands surrounding a massive hole deep as the one in Paineel with Mesas towering far up into the sky around.

The land was filled with wild cats, poisonous snakes and bears.

Waluce surveyed the perfectly flat land before the pit with his hands at his sides. Then, he quickly removed his axe and the zerker charged at a sick and injured-looking puma.

"This should be easy," he confidently told us as he swung his axe with zerker fury.

However sickly it was, the puma was charged with the purest primal fury and ripped through Waluce's super low level chainmail armor scarring the Barbarian's chest.

In the old days, chainmail wasn't half bad, but these days there's gear with pluses in the hundreds to each of an adventurer's abilities.

Within a short while he was knocked unconscious, rather than take a break when he arose, he continued to attack the beast. Again, the puma's claws struck right through his armor and slammed against his head.

Waluce grumbled a few moments later and attempted to kill the puma with a swat of his axe.

"Waluce no! I think you need help," Lavubi grasped at his arm.

However, the Barbarian wouldn't give up and instead charged the beast with full force. When he was knocked unconscious, Lavubi and I took out the beast in a long battle.

There was a quest, what it involved I wasn't sure but I was told to follow. I followed Waluce and Lavubi onto a yellow griffon's back and we flew up into another part of the roost. The griffon's feathers were very soft on my warty ass like sitting on a cage of baby chicks.

Something, I don't know what, made the land green and covered with mountain trees. Big nests made of heavy thatch covered the flat green forest.

Purple two-legged, two winged harpy women wandered. Despite what my companions thought; I always thought they were very pretty. Who cared about the snakes on their head? I've seen worse on ogress' heads.

As we walked a harpy screamed, I wasn't sure what she said but it was something like 'help' I think. Suddenly, a big griffon guardsman appeared with his goons.

We were nearly killed had we not gone to the second level. I heard their screaming far below and wondered if they'd follow us.

I turned to see an Ogre in thick black armor obscuring his form fighting a harpy in fancy jewelry, a queen. I was amazed to see a fellow shadow knight fight something that required dozens of adventurers.

With a quick swack, the queen's head flew off and the Ogre saved it in a bag.

I looked behind me, to ask what my companions thought but I saw Lavubi playing dead as a harpy was trying to climb the ridge. She shrieked at us.

The ogre saw the group swarming toward us and with a great burst of hate encouraging their weakness he summoned them. He hit them with a darkened blade and they died ridiculously fast, even the guard.

Waluce nodded and showed his hand toward the guildless adventurer, "Thanks Ogre, you saved us."

"Zigh am Blacktoe, hunting nameds for revenge," he told us before disappearing.


	11. The Spirit of Rilvalry

Chapter X & XI: The Spirit of Rivalry

I was growing frustrated with GODS and they knew it, that's why Waluce and Lavubi bothered having me in groups. I was an important troll, oh yes. My whining was an increase to their inflated numbers which led to Mr. Quiet's inflated ego.

My whining could decrease their numbers and speak to the unheard and silent lower seasoned.

When I asked questions they were silent, when I wanted advice they were as well. I barely got into groups. I existed but only as a number.

Tiki, despite being a Frog, couldn't be any more right.

I wasn't the only one they oversaw, they also overlooked Mad, Froggy Mae and Xantik to name a few.

Pretty much all the lower levels, and the old high seasoned adventurers cried there was no new blood to replace them when they retired. They ignored da lowbies! How stupid could they be!

One spring day I looked in the roster to find Froggy Mae's name missing, but no one talked about it. Later, I saw her in the guildhall with the Tradeskillers of Circle insignia, a giant yellow circle, etched on her armor.

I wandered through Kithador, at the worst time, night. I was trying to get into the hobbit town to watch a dueling match between hobbits and ogres. I read about it in the guild lobby before I entered GODS' door.

"You will die gnome," I heard a guttural ogre brother's voice say.

"No," I heard a female gnome's squeak.

I saw a skeleton pass by where I was, overseeing the dark elven regiment encampment , so I hid in a nearby tree.

I saw Halflings druids pass, tracking a corrupt spirit for the druid epic.

The ogres grunted, "You won't escape this time gnome, we'll kill you and have some fun sexy times with your corpse before putting it with apples."

"Oh come on, try it then," I heard the gnome squeak.

"You can't train us all, there's twelve of us gnome."

"Just watch."

I heard nothing for the longest time, then I saw the biggest train ever as the dark elven regiment ran past, angry and casting spells.

Hundreds of undead, dark elves, and the druid epic followed that little gnome, or I assume. Really, it looked as if they were following the shadows of the night.

I can't say what happened, I'm just a Troll afterall with very limited perceptions.

The hoard slaughtered everything in their path except me hiding in the tree and that little gnome shadow knight.

Riwwi...

I reached the 60th season and was told by our leader, Mr. Quiet, quite loudly to go lose myself in Riwwi for a while.

Things weren't so bad in Nadox, even for my antiquated Mesa gear. I was getting bored and needed a change of pace that was a bit quicker.

I took the nearest port to a place called Barindu, I wasn't sure where I was going and my invisibility spell from Xattin was wearing off. Strange hairy beasts, skull-headed dogs and eyeless elven archer monstrosities chased me through ruined cornfields.

I played dead, continued walking, and played dead. I feared the beasts since these discordians were like nothing I had previously seen in Norrath.

I entered an elaborate marble columway and was hit by another invisibility spell. I saw a bald-headed druid Halfling in green-stained leather smiling at me peacefully.

He was obviously in the guild Charming Companions, he wore the blue griffon flag with the orange rose in its beak.

He had a big drooping mustache like a dwarf and his shoes were funny elevated boots, like he was trying to avoid a flood. Funny looking Halfing dinner.

"Great, I've been needing a tank to kill here. Kiting gets old and don't work so well,"

I saw a white and red drogmir slowly stomp through the marble hallways and Froggy Mae appear ontop.

"Not a Circle of Norrath… Sucker!" I saw the Halfling remove a shortsword from his belt scabbard as he approached the frog

The druid glared at Froggy Mae as she glanced up into space from her red and white drogmir.

"Oh, the Companions are horrible company Troll. I hear the most dreadful scandalous things about them. For instance, I hear new recruits are required to join an orgy in the Karanas. In fact, they always have orgies and they sell platinum on the black market. I heard their leader is a pedophile." She mooed, ignoring all but directed at me.

The druid smacked his tongue and shook his head, "You guys just don't understand us, heck, if mah boss saw us, he'd kill me for not killing tha enemy. Anyway, you just an old arrogant bull dagger frog!"

"Oh pleaaash, you hurt one drop of moisture on mah skin and we'll kill your pregnant cow of a girlfriend, yes the one in the pretty blue dress. Anyway, your boss should be afraid as the children he rapes for 'luck' before business."

I played dead, I feared the surroundings more than I did new enemies.

"Well I need experience killing discordians and I ain't leaving this side camp until I get some." The Halfling gawked at me.

I didn't want to speak, "I dunno."

I stopped as Froggy mae glared at me with demonic red eyes, "This one, quarry, is not worthy of a tank. He will die and us shall follow."

"Nonsense, you Circle folks are too rich for yer own good, look I had a brother tank here in cloth and he did good."

"You wish to kill me Circle? Do it yourself, I wish my guildmates to see."

He backed up slightly from the angry frog, "Like I said, I'm willing to let this go for some X-pee."

"Very well, we both heal and I'll slow. I will not canni more than I must."

I drew the attention of a skull-headed dog, it growled at me and spoke in a strange language before attacking me like the most savage, vicious attack creatures. It seared my skin with painful blows, it was difficult to focus enough to land attacks. Behind me, I felt the air caused by the frantic arm waving of both the frog and the Halfling trying to keep me alive.

The world quickly turned dark as an eyeless archer, a kyv, ran toward us.

I thought I had died, not been blinded at our building camp. I then saw Blacktoe being followed by an Erudite cleric. She healed me quickly and took a massive, heavy sack of platinum from Froggy Mae.

Blacktoe easily sliced through the monsters with his dual blades leaving a trail of disgusting spiced blood.

"Teach us fighting, we'll sit back and watch." She turned to me, "Never say I never did nothing for you Troll or you nub beggars."


	12. Full Metal Beast

Chapter XII: Full Metal Beast

A human shadowknight with a single eye, Baroq, was a friend of Blacktoe invited me and many, many others to a raiding expedition in Plane of Innovation to kill a giant metal dragon named Xanamech for an ascended Gnome.

I hadn't raided before this event, nor had many of my guildmates in GODS. To add, nor had many of the attendees of Baroq's raid had.

We had grouped, but had never raided, especially a fabled, legendary event.

We arrived in the plane, under a cold purple sky surrounded by moving disembodied robots and mountains of scrap. Mechanical beasts, faux metal ogres and sentient oil slicks were our enemies.

People from Blacktoe's acquaintances were so relaxed compared to the tradeskilling guilds, never knew why. Everyone spoke a little different, no one really spoke normal to me.

"Oh-kay, ohkay I know joo schizkens are new. Geez, I do't carre how much the gnomes hate joo, it do't matter in the planes. 1. Never kill the gnome, if joo kill the gnome none of us get flagged. 2. Never pass the pooling team."

I watched in fascination as a group of well-geared, but very inexperienced adventurers killed multitudes of clanking metal beasts with furious swipes of weapons.

A highly experienced wood elf's body exploded in front of a train of the beasts; his blood and intestines coated their corroded metal armor.

"Perhaps he was a ranger," A nameless guildie commented coldly to another guildie.

"Newbies don't know nothin' compared to the old days, they gain experience and seasons faster than they can process it." The plain, aged one-eyed human wizard grumbled lowly.

They spoke of mysterious forces such as 'Ebay', Middlemen and Craigslist which I was unfamiliar with from a Norrathian context.

Suddenly, it was silent except weird mechanical wailing, as if someone felt the tree elf was worth mourning.

I was scared and wanted to feign death, but the raiding group was running after the pulling team so fast no one had time to loot. I saw valuable metal corpses that could get some of my guildmates new gear scavenged by strange mechanical mice as soon as it fell.

Where we were going, gear was useless. A disembodied nearly-human like metal arm shook and twitched with the last of its energies.

Through grey corridors we followed the gnome and a funny metal dragon with Al'Kanon lights for eyes stared at us.

"Be ready to engage in five minutes," Baroq told us, he obviously would try to tank, or be the one to draw its attention away from us while we beat down on it.

Time flashed like light and Baroq took his darkened shadow knight's blade against the beast with a harsh taunting growl. The gnome was busy adjusting something.

Fabled Xanamech swung its thin metal neck wildly, reared its head and growled a toxic green spray which corroded our armor and burned sores into our flesh like fire. I heard his wings cling and buffet us back.

For a countless many, blood flowed freely for sores so deep no cleric could heal. In the corner of my eye, I saw several people disappear under teleportation gates, particularly casters.

Slowly, Baroq stepped back with a look of fear betraying our fearless, mighty occupation in his lone blue eye.

Xanamech let out a mechanical squeal as his brutally clawed and shattered the human's armor, puncturing his vital torso. His corpse was still on its feet as Xanamech tossed it aside to breathe at us again….

I was brought to the entrance by the aged wizard's succor, we were alive but barely as the poison filled our veins. A wave of a cleric saved us.

People whizzed by attempting to save any who survived Xanamech's attack, we walked through winding corridors searching for the beast. Our mission lost, the gnome dead, but we had to take our guildies out of there.

We didn't know the way, we ran past similar corridors only gaining trains and a fabled creature called the Junkbeast, he immediately blinded us with his breath and began to summon each of us to crush with his jaws.

Again, I was saved by the aged wizard in my group. He never acknowledged.


	13. They Did it All for the XP Potion

Chapter XIII: They did it all for the XP potion

Yenwen told me a tale of long ago in the Commonlands while I waited in the guild lobby for buffs. Buffs made the difference between life and death for one like me.

Anyway, there was a fabled potion which would increase an adventure's adventuring capabilities, but none were certain of this at the time. We thought it would immediately increase our abilities, not increase the rate at which we learned.

It dropped from benign orcs who now had Discordian blood hit for amounts which would kill low level adventurers with a single strike.

Waluce and Quiet told many of us lower seasoned to join them in hunting this potions. We would be under groups of highly skilled officers so that none would 'die'.

My guildies Phulog, Legnil the half-elf warrior, Yenwen the wood elven druid and Slyzeth followed under the max seasoned adventurers Aeeilubinum the Erudite cleric and Maugg the Ogre beastlord. The other four were only of the 40th season at most.

Night fell on the plains, so according to the druid it as the best time to hunt. Hooded black or dark clothed members of Darkness Descending roamed the dangerous plains, a ranger in a dark hood took note of the rag tag bunch from GODS.

"You know discordians infested this place right? I don't think it's wise for someone as ill-seasoned as you to be here," a ranger piped up from his carving.

Aeeilubinum snapped, "We're fully aware, mind your own business raider."

The ranger smiled and continued walking away from the empty desert orc camp.

The five followed Yenwen's tracking of powerful ogre prints and scent, but they saw nothing in the darkness.

All but Aeeilubinum and Yenwen walked so closely behind Maugg in fear I'm certain they could smell the pond rot and ogre butt.

"Iz scared ow I can't even tend to the itch on my arse or the tingle somewhere else…" Phulog randomly remarked.

"Oh Poo, now's not the time to talk about that," Yenwen muttered.

Maugg suddenly stopped as a possessed ogre chieftain walked before him. Slyzeth foolishly continued walking and slammed into the muscular back of ogre, shoving him forward.

The chieftain took offense at this and slammed an axe toward Maugg, the others quickly joined the fray. After a long battle of fire, Laser's air pet attacks, and stabs of sharpened weapons the ogre fell, only to drop nothing.

Maugg was slightly bruised after the encounter, and glared at Slyzeth in seething silence.

They continued over a hill on the dark night, again clinging to each other with their creeping walks.

"Dis scary! Why'z everyone so close!" Phulog yelled awkwardly.

"Shh Poo, the orcs may hear you…" Yenwen warned with a silencing gesture.

Silent under the beautiful, purple night sky overtook them and before they realized it, three ogres charged at them.

Yenwen quickly succored the group to a nearby druid circle, however, only Aeeilubinum and Maugg were teleported. Quickly, the group was overrun by nearby ogres as well as the other three.

Yenwen again began to cast a succor spell, but it was far too late, only Phulog and Slyzeth managed to arrive at the mystic portal in North Karrana.

"Great, does dis mean me's the last ogre alive?"


	14. Mages in the Deep

Chapter XIII: The Deep

A small, ex-Circle gnomish magician named Xattin joined GODS. He was evil like every lunchmeat gnome should be and evil like all in those tradeskilling guilds. Looked evil to with his bald head and black goatee.

Days passed and we saw and heard little of little Xattin, until a fine Spring day.

"Guys, I need help with my epic 1.5. I just need you to help me kill this guy with a book."

No one answered his pathetic pleas for help after many days, rightful for an evil but not when that evil was an ally. I was killing madmen in Grieg's end with Mad and Phulog or Poo as many of my guildmates called her.

Mad sent Laser to bring us a small pull of three madmen, "Someone should help that gnome before he disbands."

I crossed my warty arms, disagreeing with the good of his action, "Wut can we do? Nothin', it's his problem. He's justa mage dey ain't good for shit."

"Magicians for the most part stick together, I think this could be rewarding. Anyway, one day I'll need to do my epic and I could take notes."

I dismissed the goodie shoes gesture and looming danger, "Wut? Whatever, there ain't no new adventurers, ain't no groups. Nothing."

He said nothing, but he thought "Your loss," as he gated away and left me to rot and Phulog in the middle of the haunted Luclin castle.

Xattin sat at the entrance of the deep reading while Mad walked into the cave followed by 'Poo'.

What the fuck is with the screwed up nick names? Do people hear themselves? By Inny!

The bald-headed gnome glanced around in shock, "So is there more, or is this it?" 

"No. Mages stick together."

"Guess so."

Mad and Xattin killed mushrooms and those phrog things for a long time. The things kept sneak attacking when they tried to break. Poo was too scared to attack for long, she was quickly overrun and the pets tanked a million times better than her.

"Man! These pieces of shit don't give up."

This continued until they reached the bridge.

"The map says its really here," Mad confidently told his fellow mage as they gawked into the alien dark abyss below.

"I dunno about that. Dat's one loooong fall. Ya gonna trust dat map?" Poo asked with a raised deformed eyebrow and heavy mouth breathing as she looked into the abyss.

Mad sighed and began walking on the invisible bridge alone.

At that time in the Deep a Vah Shir beastlord named Paws walked on the same bridge, an officer I rarely saw, and the warrior child from Crescent. She met the group halfway.

Who the hell brings kids adventuring?

"We were leaving SSRA, I found this child fleeing from Charming members."

Xattin sighed, "Yeah, yeah and the world morns the loss of another innocent. Anyway, we're going the other way. Find your own way out."

"But you have two mages, couldn't one of you leave and summon us out of here?" Paws asked.

"Perhaps after we help Xattin with his epic?"

"Yeah, just help the world and they don't do shit back. I don't see the point man." Xattin was also unhappy with the good suggestions of his fellow mage.

Paws quickly killed the monsters, for she was gearing up to join Descending darkness.

"You guys could chain air pets and kill this stuff quick."

Eventually, the group arrived at the very end of the deep, its vast caverns devoid of dangerous typical thought-stealing aliens that used to lurk there.

However, nothing was there and Xattin quickly remarked ," "Are you sure this is the right place? I don't see nothing!"

Paws sighed and growled lightly, "Your gear is so pathetic you can't see that the guy is invisible." She slapped the invisible mage, and the sounds of magica being cast filled the air.

The fight was unremarkable and fast, Xattin got his book but then was the issue of how to leave.

"Fine, you helped me Paws I'll summon you out, wait here, I'll be back soon," with that the gnome gated out.

Xattin took his time returning to the deep, so the group felt it best to continue exploring and eventually drifted into the nearby Shissar temple.

"Maybe there's a way out," I'm sure they thought. But Ssraeshza temple is a one way tunnel there is no escape from the Deep. I would know.

Anyway, all were awed by the pictures on the wall of the Shissar masters and the Iksar slaves and whatever.

"What does it mean?" Poo and the child remarked aloud.

"Some kind of history?" Paws responded casually, wondering when she would receive word from Xattin.

"Iksars were Shissar slaves weren't they? Something about the Greenmist making them move here?" Mad commented as his pet Laser managed to snag something… the raised skeleton of an Iksar slave.

It at first appeared to be one, but it was more like… fifteen. Laser quickly disappeared due to the damage and as Paws stepped in assuming only one…

The group fled back to the Deep upon seeing the other fourteen slaves.

Eventually Xattin arrived after a long detour. A detour with a big-breasted human cleric in a hallway of the guild lobby.


	15. Waluce vs Karkador

Chapter XIV: Waluce vs Karkador

I sat in the guild lobby, again waiting for buffs that would make the difference between life and death. In disgust, I watched Xattin flirt with some female clerics, two humans and a dark elf. What was it about him that they liked? To me he was some greasy gnome good for sandwiches.

To them, he was probably fucking in the guild lobby material. Dey'd say he was cute and small and no struggle to blow I bet.

I watched one of the clerics place a hand on the greasy little gnome's check. I seethed with jealousy.

Waluce, approached me with a distraught look on his scarred stupid red face and reached for my shoulder.

"Karkador killed Janna, Redeyes and Dilnlu!"

I didn't know anything about those three aside from the fact they were guildies. Nor did I give a single shit for they did not give me one.

Janna sneered at me whenever I passed by, so it was good the bitch died.

I shrugged him off and glared at the giggling in a nearby darkened augmentation pool hallway.

"Ask someone else, I'm waiting for buffs."

"Troll, come on. I'll help you with your epic. Just help me get revenge!"

I followed Waluce into the Plane of Knowledge and to a portal labeled 'Great Divide' and we followed a small frozen steam to a labyrinth of icy cave tunnels. Waluce was real quiet and kept rubbing his hands together like he was nervous or somethin'.

I heard the distrinctive screech of an ancient dragon and saw white-scaled and powerful chaos-breathing Karkador. Before we could respond, it brothe at us tossing us high into the air. I worried of my death but I feigned death as soon as I landed with several broken bones.

Waluce managed to escape, for a bit later that day I saw him again and even more distraught than before.

"I tried bringing Iggno to track and kill Karkador but instead I… The beast killed him!"

I didn't care, I was again waiting for buffs.

"His levitation spell before he died made us live longer. Mind helping me again Troll? I owe you one man."

I sighed, casted dead man floating and followed the fool hard-headed Barbarian again along with some nameless lowly seasoned imbeciles.

This time, he immediately brothe killing the imbeciles one by one, including the Barbarian's healer. Only Waluce and a frog wizard were left.

I, being an intelligent troll, feigned death again. I saw Waluce flee from the beast due to the wizard's spell.

I left the frozen room later, and took a piss on the corpses of my guildmates.

Yeah, Waluce wasn't exactly able to help me get my epic but he did get me my 1.5 pre but this story ain't about my struggles.


	16. Torden Bastion of Thunder Drama

Chapter XIV: BoT Drama

Torden, the Bastion of Thunder off the Plane of Tranquility was a well-loved zone by adventurers of my season, in their 60's.

I was invited to a group by Poo, and this naturally interested me. We walked together to BoT.

"There's a real nice Ogre named Blacktoe and his stupid girl some elf. Why no ogre? Ogre women more pretty than elf! We got big butt and big lips."

Plane of Tranquility was the boring plane of whatever was the goddess of tranquility. A big ocean and a bunch of portals to the elemental and other planes.

"What we campin'?"

"Bees."

BoT was kinda like a weird castle many floors filled with giants of different elements.

I followed her and was suddenly teleported through space and time. I nearly fainted and then I saw the mischievous glee of that infuriating magician Mad.

"Fucker! You nearly gave me a heart attack," I roared.

He was taken back by my harshness but said nothing, like a coward.

No mage has a spine, but frogs can't be mages 'cause they have even less of a spine than most.

I looked around, Blacktoe, a weird high elven woman in a gold dress and War were there.

"Tank for the summon," Poo blankly responded to it all. She too was frightened, but either too brave as a tank to admit it or too stupid. Perhaps both.

"No problem, Phulog."

The group was completely silent as Blacktoe used his natural deflective abilities in combat, his riposte to kill all the mephitis in a single pull.

Blacktoe gave his girlfriend an unsteady glance and turned toward me, "Take care of her will zhou Troll? I need to leave for a raid."

I nodded, I had no interest in a creature of the light. She had long blond hair and a skimpy two-piece blue dress. Her breasts were tiny and her nose upturned.

As Blacktoe gave us one more pull for the magic essences of experience to release from the demons I watched the naïve or perhaps perverted Phulog slink ever closer to the disgusting Drakkin mage.

Finally, she grasped him, suffocating him, "Aww mage is nice. Meybbe mage like be boyfriend?"

"Ummm. I'm flatted Phulog but no?" The mage struggled futilely against the ogre

"Oh come on! You hurt my feelings! I is 100% woman," she unintentionally shoved him toward her breasts.

"No doubt." The mage continued to squirm, obviously becoming pale from both the stench and air loss.

"Want me show?"

"No. Let go of me blasted ogre!" Finally, she did.

"I need a girlfriend Phulog!" I told her as I wrapped my arm about her thick left arm.

"No! I no like Trolls! They's mean!"

"I likes it when girls show me things, pretty girls like Phulog."

Phulog shook her head and pouted…Even that horny ogre rejected me! Everyone else was dripping in women. All but me! Why?

Blacktoe glanced back at us," Like I zid about my girl, zee zhou later."

Yeniad, his girlfriend, was a high elven enchanter. She smiled at us broadly as she dismounted her red and white drogmor.

"Okay gentlemen, I'm all yours. What do you want me to be for your pleasure?" She crooed as if trying to seduce us like a high-paid prostitute in Neriak.

"A fish-lady from the pirate islands," called Poo, 

"A satyr," called Mad,

"A half person half monster," called War,

"A troll," I called.

She shook her head in dissatisfaction, her attempt to seduce us all failed (at least I knew). "Something sexy, pleasing to look at, how about a Wood Elf?

Phulog looked disappointed as she sighed and kicked up dust, "In that case I woulda said the dildo, it woulda looked funny."

All gawked at Phulog, I smiled at her. To have a woman like that…

Yeniad became a beautiful wood elf with blond hair, or so they say. Wood elves aren't my cup of tea though they taste good roasted with barbeque sauce or with spices. My favorite is gnome. Greasy and good like bacon.

"What dildo? The one to port to fight Agmar, the boss of this plane?" the wood elf seductress remarked.

Phulog nodded and smacked her lips deliciously, "Karana cries when you touch it. Yeah dat one."

"Well Phulog, its fabled season and I think there's a raid nearby. Maybe we could join? Would you like that?"

"Oh yes! Specially if I get to see the dildo! Maybe even more! Maybe even go inside the raid!"

Waluce shook his head in disbelief and whispered at Mad. "I bet I know what she has in her pack."

I looked at my group, "Talking about dildos don't do shit for my X-P so let's go camp."

Froggy mae approached us at fast pace on her drogmir followed by a serious-faced dark elven shadow knight. "Hey, you GODS imbeciles, get out of our camp!"

"Blacktoe was here first," Yeniad calmly replied to Froggy's accusation.

The frog kicked her foot against the drogmir softly, "While you were busy talking about the most distasteful things you failed to respond to my camp check! Name flinging does nothing for facts."

"Well, sorry, we were here first."

"No, this is our camp and that's it. You can go camp water. Leave my camp at once or I shall tell a guide!"

So, we did. We arrived at water only to be stopped by a woodelven ranger with the red emblem of the medium-quality raiding guild Red of Battle Eternal.

"I'm camping Oreen! Get away moochers."

"We just want XP," I whined. 

"Fine, just stay away from Oreen."

In the blue hallways we fought purple-skinned giants wearing small green loincloths. They had strangely cone-shaped heads.

It was much slower than fighting with Blacktoe, much, much slower. During our down time I rested my eyes and sat on the cold, damp floor. Then, I saw Yenaid touching Waluce's cheek. I opened my eyes to see the wood elf on the Barbarian's lap.

I immediately shook napping Mad by the shoulder, somewhat violently I guess. He grasped at his shoulder in shock and rudely responded

"What?"

"War's cheatin' on lady deeth!" I whispered loudly into his ear.

"Pff, they ended that relationship eons ago."

"Lady… I mean Lavubi, she's available again?"

"I wouldn't know."

"She brings out the darkness in my life, my travels are so lonely" I dreamily thought outloud as who knew what Waluce was doing to Yenaid. It gained the interested of Phulog,

"Yeah, touch her like dat!"

A bit later a giant loomed ahead and gave the lovers a jolt with a rockstorm spell.

"Zek! No touch the dildo!" Squealed Poo.

"What? It's not!" Waluce grunted in frustration as he swung his axe at the giant.

"Oreen, oh my Rallos Waluce… U killed Oreen! Da ranger man's gonna be mad!"

"These people are so vulgar," muttered the mage.

"It attacked us, anyway I haven't seen him around," Waluce assured us.

I arose to see the body of the giant and raiders.

"We're sorry," Waluce immediately began as he saw the mass gathering.

"What about? We're going to kill Fabled Agmar, you can join if you'd like."

We nodded and followed the raid led by an Iksar monk. We followed him up to the bees until we reached the fabled 'dildo'.

"Okay, I'm only gonna sssay thisss once 'cause you're all sssso immature. Don't touch the overtly phallic teleporterssss. Don't touch the dildo. Take the vortex if you're keyed."

Half the raid snickered as if it were the best joke ever. He counted to four and we touched the vortex teleporter near Askr.

We finally reached Agnarr after clearing some typical rock elementals in the tower. He was a giant god in a blue hooded cloak and wizard's beard looking far too much like Karana. With an outstretched hand, he casted a powerful spell and drained a massive segment of our healers mana before the main tank could situate him.

A named giant stepped through a portal in the room and rampaged through the lines of casters. I began to have flash backs of Xanamech. I feigned death as the giant reaped life from our lines as the tank futilely tried to stay alive against Agnarr.

I felt the pure mana spells from the angry god shear my skin and there was no cleric to soothe them. No wizard in the group to succor us…

Then, we were succored? I stood in confusion as I saw masses of the raid alive at the graveyard of BoT. It appeared a wizard was succoring us out by group.

The Iksar was alive but seriously injured and bloody. He wanted to try again, but I and many others refused.

The raid however wiped upon the second time and I would never see Phulog again. I mourned for her on my own time when it seemed no one else did.

After the raid I joined a group with people I didn't recognize in the air wing. It was full of static and clouds.

Instead of battle, our leader, an assling ranger kept shouting arguing about a train in upper earth with a feign deathed Iksar monk by the stairs.

"Asshole Ikky! You trained me in upper earth and killed all my group!"

The Iksar retorted, "Did not! You weren't even there!"


	17. Crypt of Decay

Chapter XV: Crypt of Decay

I sat on a crudely fashioned throne in the home of the Lord of disease. It was crowded and some of my other guildies were there. The walls were green with mold and the air smelled like death by plague.

A pretty-faced human mage with curly blond hair and alert blue eyes sat on a nearby sarcophagus slab with her little air pet Loner. Her blue robes revealed her large breasts, something as a troll I was fond of.

She ignored me entirely and instead asked a gnome wizard and his dull-eyed one-eyed bald barbarian shaman friend if she could join their group.

The wizard nodded, and suddenly, she landed a kiss on the bald spot of the gnome's little bald tonsure. Far too soon, his pants were undid and he disappeared beneath the mage's robes.

The shaman glanced on in glee with a happy look in his lone brown eye as he squatted down for a better look.

I couldn't believe it, nor could many other of the onlookers. That was one lucky gnome and one perverted mage considering location.

The gnome came out of the human's robes with a tranquil look on his face.

"What? Don't I get anything?" Asked the shaman.

She fixed her robes and turned away with a sexy walk that made us all gawk at her ass.

A small gnome in dark green platemail arrived followed by Froggie Mae.

"Are there any groups available for a SK and shaman?" There was no response as I realized it was the gnome from Kithador.

"Could I join your group?"

The three of us went back to fight the funny angry-faced rat men east of the cobweb-lined hallways. However, we were stopped by some members of RoBE, especially a few wood elven rangers who could assassinate a rat man with a single arrow. They killed a mass train and the looks on their faces were of discontent and hatered.

"What the actual fuck! How dare you interrupt our lessons? We were here first, this is our camp!"

Froggie Mae upturned her nostrils and followed me and gnome out. This scenario repeated over and over again, even the sexy mage had something to say:

"Oh my! Stop following me you creepy troll and your creepy little friends! This is our camp! I'll tell a guide and then my boyfriend to go knock you out!"

Thus, we were forced to camp the entrance to the crypt.

The gnome chuckled evilly for a bit with her little hands clasped in plan and I wasn't sure what about. "Oh, I've got a lovely idea. Let's go to the event floor."

"Bertie? Nay gnome! I'm not in the mood to face a god."

"But there'll be lots to kill, Froggy."

"We won't be able to kill fast enough," the gnome reassured her.

With that, we touched the throne and were teleported to another sewer-crypt looking hybrid. It was devoid of life except for Bertoxxian death knights shambling about but they kept disappearing behind a wall.

"Guys, there's a raid alliance here I think," the gnome alerted us.

We turned a corner and saw a small raid annilating the death knights in heaps. We were again cheated out of a group.

We went back to the entrance floor and this time we turned left and after fighting small ghouls were came to these rotting tunnels made of old intestine full of nastiness.

As a shadowknight, I love killing undead, simple since I'm almost a master of controlling and using their forces. Me and the gnome were almost like wizards against 'em.

Inside were more ghouls and gnome continued pulling them.

"Guys, there's like twelve ghouls in a circle around a really big ogre. Mind following me?" 

"What's this about?" Frog muttered as she followed me and the gnome.

We killed the ghouls around the funny big rotting ogre in a chain loincloth, a scrap of paper was address to a 'Overlord Banord Paffa', so that's probably who it was. He didn't have lips and the skin around one of his eyes was all gone.

As soon as we killed the last of the twelve Paffa started hitting me, he didn't hit much more than the rest in the crypt, so it wasn't bad.

Froggie looked nervous but she said nothing, instead she spoke with her big, scared red demon eyes. She wiggled her fat slimy hands at me casting spells, she cast some jaguar's claws or something curse on our weapons so Paffa would be hit more.

Of course, before engaging we had every melee's favorite haste spell.

The fight was real short since I thought he was a raid target. Maybe that Frog was super twinkied. Anyway, he didn't drop anything expect more letters and caster trash.

"Hmm, a backflag. I have no use for this, perhaps you?" The frog mooed.

The gnome looted a letter as did I. I didn't want to ask what it was for, it seemed as if it was supposed to be obvious.


	18. Honor Never Fades

Chapter XVI: Honor Never Fades

I hated the Halls of Honor, I hated the concept of this honor for the sake of it and nothing else. There were disembodied pure-spirited armors that needed a beating and a raid that I followed along to do it.

For a few days a week I followed a Vah Shir bard who led so-called 'open raids'. That bard was brave to field unrecognizable people with nothing to lose. It was there I learned that I had a raider's blood in me and I was a troll with high, if not near impossible sights.

As a newcomer in a stagnant adventuring scene I already had odds against me. It would be faster for me to reach maximum season than older adventurers, if I could find the groups to progress in the first place.

With raiding, I would have to press my knowledge to the limit and max alternate advancement in skills. Not to mention my raiding options were highly limited and selective at even the lowest level. Without connections in these guilds and people who didn't want to connect… I was on my own.

Lastly, I would have to throw my name, reputation and memories to fire as I would have to jump guilds to get what I needed.

Most of the raids were unremarkable with relatively few deaths. This one in Halls of Honor holds place in my Froglok leg full gullet since it was my first successful one.

Aside from the blast of fanfare, the clank of armor it was a really quiet zone you could easily hear yelling across.

I faced a mountain, luckily trolls don't have high intelligence, so I just continued.

As the raid awaited command to move north I watched Mad, too low season to join us, kill stacks of disembodied holy armors with his pet Laser and a few fire spells. I remember him showing some funny crafted jewelry he got for cheap in the baz.

Instead of East commons a bazaar opened up on the moon, people sold stuff automatically. It was boring and prone to price gauging.

Anyway, think it was dwerium trio stuff you could put crazy mana, or crazy armor class into those. I even got me some for a bit. Thing is, it was selling expensive and a lot for twinks, then it got outta style due to a nerf and got cheap.

Also, some of the tradeskillers guilds didn't like it, but anyway…

Nearby on a pool of water, I saw the crazy human mage from Crypt of Decay glancing at her reflection in a pool.

A bit later, I watched her approach the mage and with her pet Gobber they began to kill armors a bit faster.

"Teehee! That's way to many don't you think?"

"No."

She watched her fellow mage in admiration and showed off her fancy shield, "Look at this shield, isn't it cool? I got it from some new place the gnomes opened up. I also got this neat charm," she smiled warmly.

Her fellow mage had a weakness for the gear and looked and asked where she got it and what not.

One thing I hated about open raids is that it took forever for us to get going and get enough people.

"You're very skilled for such a low level mage," the blue-robed lady commented warmly.

"I'd hope," Mad responded, distracted by the trains, "Else we'd be dead."

As I sat by a statue I continued to watch the blue-robe mage try to gain Mad's attention which later turned to flirting.

"You're not my type."

As I saw a small train of armors approach us, and a medding Mad sitting behind us, I assumed something didn't go very well….

He was lucky we were there all right, the raid immediately took offense at the blue-robe's action.

"Kikka! What the hell are you doing training a raid! I'm gonna tell!" Some human guy shouted at her.

"I wasn't training you, I was training this heartless bastard who hid behind you! He saw this coming. Why'd you treat me like this, huh?"

Mad didn't respond and just glanced at the raid in interest. He wanted to join, I could tell.

"Wut?" I heard some muttering between Froggie Mae and another light sider female about it.

Anyway, we finally had gathered enough forces and moved to the north.

"Today, we are going to kill a dragon named Ryd'dar. The event is unremarkable just need good DPS, good heals and good tanks. We waited so we got all that perrrrfect." The Vah shir purred smoothly.

We approached a woman standing in the center of a large room with a rug. Our tank was a dwarf woman in blue armor, with a few hits she killed the woman and a massive white dragon with a large jaw and long whip-like neck appear where the place holder died.

The dragon lashed back its head and roared as us as it clawed at the dwarf woman, and it was scary and I felt injured but, this was alleviated by a healer.

In short time, the dragon died and some guy spawned in its place that we had to talk to for a flag. It only dropped some spell runes and a ranger bow.

"Since we are here and the event is ready, let's move on to the Ogres. Wait again at the graveyard."

I watched Kikka slowly slide toward Mad as if pulling a smooth move. But he promptly he scooted away.

Obviously, he didn't like her. Perhaps her reputation proceeded her. I don't know why someone cares about things like that.

"Why must you sit so close? Can't you see I don't like you?" Mad bluntly and harshly told her.

Kikka merely giggled and smiled.

Again, the raid was ready and we walked north west, some looking behind them for the drama. I saw Kikka pounce at Mad, which triggered the only way casters can fight. Their pets. Oh and slapping.

"This one requires strategy, we have to save villagers and kite the mobs that try to kill them. All the knights please be on kiting duty. In the four rooms next to this one. Rest of the raid stays here with the tank."

After the dwarf told the guy she was ready a bunch of ogres appeared from a Custodian of Marr, I had to agro some off along with the other sks.

I had to run in a circle occasionally casting some dread gaze to make them hate me more. Eventually, the little blue dwarf came and took them away one by one. I felt a little dizzy afterwards.

I had heard rumors of better equipt shadow knights doing something called 'swarm kiting', I would eventually learn of this but not until later. You could earn at least twenty alternate advancements in a lesson if you were properly geared.

After the event we had to hail another guy and go back to the graveyard.

Kikka accused, "You know what? I think I've heard about you!"

"Oh really?" Mad looked angry, that was funny.

"You have a chanter! That's why you won't like me and that's how come you can pull so much!"

"So? Look at the connections you have, you even have gear. I've had to work for everything."

"That's not fair! And that's not right either! Who is this chanter so I can beat her up?"

Mad just laughed at her.

"You jerk!"

For a moment, the Vah Shir was distracted by the fight, "For the next event, we have to prevent some madmen from raping the corpses of some virgins. When the event starts kiters need to distract the madmen in the three rooms while the tank pulls and kills off one at time starting in one room. Then the tank will kill a named and we repeat for the other three."

It's hard to process information in blocks for a Troll, so I just followed a group into a room.

We killed another custodian of Marr after the dwarf hailed some guy. Then I casted my hate spell and kited a few mobs together with another sk in the first room. We ran in the same direction.

After killing the madmen, the dwarf focused her attention on Advocant Joran as the rest of the raid joined in. He died really fast compared to the trash, I was dizzy with all the assisting. It seemed the monsters died before I could even swing my sword or cast a spear of poison spell. The girls were safe and most of the raid was still living virgins.

We killed two other guys Hallgoz and Freeman. When they died the guy the dwarf hailed first came back. I couldn't roll on the loot since I hadn't attended enough raids but a very nice mask and pauldrons dropped.

I knew what I was gonna do, I was gonna raid!


	19. Dude Where's My Robes?

Chapter XVII: Dude, where's My Robes?

Here's a story I heard from Xattin before he quit GODS. He was quite detailed, it was almost a rant.

"Look troll, no one was helping with my epic so I asked Mad for some help so we could kill burrowers and get their meat to give some dude. Thing is we couldn't get across Siren's grotto…"

First, the little gnome couldn't afford a port to Cobalt's Scar and no wizard wanted to port him.

So, he did what any reasonable person would do faced with an unknown and dangerous place, call a low level wood elven ranger. He couldn't afford the maximum seasoned rangers that drank piss out of holes in the Emerald Jungle to survive and keep warm and avoid the wrath of Sev. They wanted big plats.

The young ranger gated, or more accurately, he died, and with his mission blessed with the tainted blood of an innocent good creature he was ready to go.

This time, he couldn't afford a ranger, nor could he afford even the services of Shuga-shu for a port and succor. And now, he couldn't affort a port for real.

"Dude, I'm outta money! Where the hell are we goin'? Fuck, I wish I bought SoW pots."

So Mad showed him this odd little castle, the size of a Halfling's doll's toyhouse at the very end of the river in the Great Divide.

"What the hell man?"

"Cheap port."

They arrived in forest before the colorful and dizzying Plane of Mischief, as Xattin stood still Mad began to try using the trees to port.

"What?"

"This one," with that, Mad disappeared and Xattin took several hours to find the correct tree.

So Xattin was a few meters under the sea in Cobalt's scar, after getting roughed up by a shark, he met Mad at the Othmir, sentient otter people.

The Othmir are very laid-back and relaxed as they fish by the sea in Cobalt's scar. Nice music too. Very nice beach and shell stuff but its way too cold for a Troll.

Anyway, he followed Mad to the tunnel leading to Siren's Grotto. They tried to find their way through the purplely water zone but each time had to gate out when Mad's pet Laser was overwhelmed by fishies, angry walrus guys and mermaids.

Luck was on Xattin's side, or at least many women. So he called one of his acquaintances of sort I don't want to know of but wish I had, an Erudite wizard named Aeieinum.

So, she arrived at Cobalt's Scar but went no further since Xattin pulled some unsmooth move I assume.

Perhaps he placed a hand on her inviting behind, groped her or perhaps he gawked at her nice breasts too long as Mad tapped his shoulder telling him to stop.

Perhaps he said a stupid sexist joke no body but trolls and ogres find funny. Perhaps he got into Mad's new apprentice's pondweed or magic mushrooms before the trip and was higher than the Rathe Mountains.

Afterall, GODS began an apprenticeship program to help nubs, but that's a story for a later time.

Who knows, she grew offended, swore quite unErudishly at Xattin something like

"Fuck you Gnome," she growled as she slapped him. "Both of you mages are the biggest losers in Norrath," and gated away." This left the two out of ideas yet again.

"Heh. Heh," muttered Xattin both at his excitability and his constant failure.

"Bro, what we gonna do now?"

"It would be a waste to try again. The fish will just have plenty of Laser rolls."

"And a Gnome roast. Bertie… Help me," moaned the gnome.

Bertox smiled upon the gnome, as he left the zone Mad followed an ill Vah Shir on the way to a raid in Veeshan's Peak. He managed to make it to Western Wastes but gated away after some dragoness went after him.

Anyway, he promptly interrupted the Gnome's visit with a pretty woodelven druid in the Commonlands and off they went again for a wonderful expedition in the land of the angry walruses and lady fishies.

"Damn underwater Jumanji," muttered the Gnome.

"Good place to kill stuff for plat," thought the mage, since he added that to 'places people stay the fuck away from so I'll hunt here'. Or maybe 'yay second most dangerous game'.

As yet another swordfish attacked him, the Gnome howled in fury, though none could hear since it was under the warm waters of the Grotto. He slapped the fish and sent Xabin at it. Mad let his Laser deal with the fishies as he managed to take a small trek into mermaid territory and past the castle.

In other words, the wrong way.

So they fought mermaids and their walrus men which dropped for very, very valuable items. So now the Gnome had a good amount of money but no where to sell it and no track to epic.

And they couldn't stop fighting since the sirens and their lovely pets poured out of the walls, and came from under the ground.

Xattin, "Troll bro, that's the way I'd like to go, fighting endless of hoardes of near naked lady monsters, but anyway, finally we got the idea to just train out and go the other way."

"So, yeah…"

They finally reached the Western wastes after a confusing maze of tunnels and Xattin's questioning of Mad's sense of direction.

"You want the seahorses to strangle you again?"

"No bro but…"

"Of course this is the right way. Or at least the one with less monsters."

The water ended and became tunnels of cold ice. After the swim, that was one bad idea.

Anyway, the shivering Gnome was never happier to see snowfall while dripping wet,

"Bertie! We made it! This must be Western Wastes. I'm gonna bind here bro."

"I think I'll go to the baz and sell stuff for a tad."

Xattin wandered the icy wastes which had several nonsensical landmarks, and he managed to be almost fatally injured by a dragoness named Cargalia.

Instead of dying, someone, perhaps the dragoness, perhaps the mysterious Froglok rogues stripped him of all his gear and left him for dead.

When he arose, not only was he freezing, and had to cast a heatspell, he was also nude.

"Aww fuck!"

In dread, the magician realized he had bound in that frozen wasteland and as a nude mage with malachite was too weak to traverse the dangerous Siren's Grotto.

So, he contacted the nearly vacant GODS for help.

"Slyzeth, can you call of heroes me out through Sirens?" The gnome pleaded. Full names for pleading. Always.

"Then what are you going to do? You'll still be stuck in Cobalt Scar. Live with the Othmir?"

"Shit man! Why didn't you tell me?" The Gnome squealed in rage at the magical communication system.

"I thought you had more sense then that Gnome."

So, it appeared all bad for the Gnome, but there was an out and it wasn't a wizard willing to help. He would forever be the nude gnome fisher dude of the Othmir livin' on seaweed and swordfish. And no pondweed.

However, he could invis, and there was a raid in Veeshan's Peak.

With luck, magic and whatever else he managed to meet the low-grade raiding guild, Barbarian Active Resurgence, BAR, recovering at the entrance.

A small gathering of adventures, about thirty or so, turned to see a naked little gnome.

"What the hell? Who are you? What are you doing here?" Asked the leader, a Froglok paladin named Rabgok. He was a hypocrite, obviously. Look at his language usuage!

"Um, where are your clothes?" Someone asked with proper enunciation.

"Look, a dragon damn near killed me, I bound my soul in the wastes. Please, someone port me!"

So they did, they ported him back to his bind location.

In fury, the gnome again made the long, dangerous trek to Veeshan's Peak.

He followed the raid.

"We got a raid stalker!" A high elven female cleric shrieked as she got sight of the naked little gnome.

"Oh please like you ain't seen this before."

"Raid stalker!" Screamed the cleriessc. Who knew if she was screaming about the nudity or the raid stalking… Xattin said she screamed raid stalker.

Thus, a friendly Erudite wizard ported him to bind yet again.

This time, he was seething and followed by a train of dragons, again, he made it to Veeshan's Peek alive but with frozen testicles.

In fury, the gnome screamed and ranted at the raid "Mother fucking assholes! Turn around and give me a gods-damned port to Plane of Knowledge or home to Steamfont! Can't you fuckin' see I'm bound here? "

The raid turned around slowly at the fury.

Rabgok croaked deeply in shock, "You could have just asked Gnome, I'll have Telwil port you."

With that some druid guy named Telwil ported him to PoK. The gnome got a spare robe from the bank and remembered to bind in the guild lobby.

"I hate that word."

"What word troll bro?"

"Fuckin' ess to everythin' that's girl. Clericess, monkess, wizardess, illusioness."

"Heh. Heh… Anyway.."


	20. Drama in Griegs' End

Here's a story I heard from Lizwen, Mad's apprentice, while grabbing some pondweed to try.

"I like, went to Grieg's End since I always heard Slyzeth talking about it. There and Sirens. Hated that Emerald Jungle, I won't drink piss like those raninjahs. The end. Anyways, my pet Jabobber like slaughters the monsters there man. It's really good plat, tribute as well as xp."

So, Lizwen joined a group with Xattin and a pretty monk girl in her sixty's somewhere.

Xattin grumbled as small trains of shape shifting mind-reading Luclin aliens with green tentacles on their head whipped them at the pets. The monk dodged in and out of combat.

A few were crazed madmen that were a bit too feely and gropey toward anything that walked. Others were ninjas that could appear from any moment from anywhere. They were the guys that got rapey in the planes.

Lastly, were the weird ghost monk women that sounded like men.

At the time, Lizwen wore some mage's hand-me-downs. They were flashy red, perfectly baggy and concealing, and perfect for a Drakkin. Poor baby mage wore them as we spoke. Oh how the babies grow up fast.

Grieg's place was like a castle under a permanently dawn's pink ass crack sky. She, Xattin and the pretty monk were fighting there way through the place to reach the Scarlet Desert Side. Why? For the glory and the xp.

They finally reached this opening under the pink sky and heard some shouting…

"You there!" Shouted a polished High Elven voice, "My group just died here! You back away! Yes you three fools! This is still our camp, don't you dare touch the Halfling named! He's our named!" The elf was crazy.

Indeed, there was a named, but at season fourty-seven there was no way in hell a little, lone High elf paladin could take the giant Luclin beetle named Deoreo Bexuarrana.

Lizwen was silent as she pointed her pet toward a group of monsters, unfortunately, Bexuaranna joined the fray and was slain with a few bolts of fire. Then, she offered the loot to the High elf as compensation, but he merely kicked it away and ran into the tunnels.

"You have no group elf," Xattin replied as the High elf glared at the little Gnome with pure hatred in his keen brown eyes.

Some time passed as they continued killing in the courtyard, something roared in unison as behind the high elf was a massive train of monsters. He quickly disappeared and tentacles, feet and whatever hit the floor hard as the train raged on toward the group.

So, the monk aggroed the first in the stack and fled into the castle. Then, she simply pretended to be dead as the mages gated away.

So, Da white elf boy wuz mad cuz the train didn't kill anyone. Unlike blue elf girl dat wait to be ebil and kill eberbody in sleep with complete success rate.

Anyway, when dey went back to the entrance of Griegs from the land of the recursos the wizard trained them again, but he fell down.

The monsters clawed at him and elfie guts went everywhere then the bloodied train turned their attention toward the mages.

Since mages were an overpowered, popular profession at the time, the pets and monk were able to kill the hoard of fifteen monsters with little issue.

Mages don't work for shit, not like us trolls. Most professons work their arse off to go anywhere.

Some say the essence of awesomeness is in the more skilled regardless of class. I sayz the pets are way overpowered. Some say us shadowknights are overpowered. I say yes if we have the gear.

I sayz if class can solo iz overpowered, not like old days at orc hill. Rogue example o what class should be. No soloing ever.

Anywayz, den the dragon girl say the rest of the story.

"We're awesome! We survived that train. Thank goodness for this day!" shouted the monk.

"Shut up! Or I'll train ya so bad ya won't live!" A shout resonated through the castle.

They continued through narrow halls and now, feeling bold, pulled larger trains for bigger plats and xpee. Afterall, the monsters in Grieg's end had a fondness of jewelry.

Unlike her mentor, the pond-weed fond mage wasn't too aware enough to get maps before going anywhere.

"So, where are we?" Asked the monkess.

"Hell if I know, bro, where's the map?"

Lizwen shook her head.

"Bertie! No map in this damn place. This place is creepy! I swear something is watchin' me."

They turned into a room past the gate and a small train from a dwarf passed by.

"Excuse me…" The monkess began. The dwarf coughed with a look of rage as he battled denizens of Grieg's realm.

One of the monsters cast a spell which made the monkess, pets and mages look like monsters to each other.

"We're swamped, where'd this come from?" With that, the monk backed into a corner as four monsters rushed her, "Damn dwarf die! Die on your own instead of take the world!" she cried in desperation.

Soon enough, the creatures fell but the adventurers were left as monsters.

Xattin the beetle shuddered, "I said this zone was creepy."

"You look like a wood elf girl to me," responded the monk who looked like a mushroom.

"I need something to take off the stress. Wish I had some pondweed for a quick smoke."

The monkess smiled, "Oh I know we brought some. We went for a smoke earlier before you got here." She grasped a pouch from Lizwen who had begun to form a roll of the substance.

"Nice!" He smiled broadly at the monkess as he took a bit of blue pondweed from the pouch.

"Blue? Does it taste any different? I've only had regular pondweed."

"Hmm, yeah it's a little different. Rolls the same though." The monkess chuckled, "Never been desperate enough to smoke frog."

Smoke filled the air for a bit after a quick light from Xattin.

"Camp check," boomed a humanish voice with an elven undertone.

"The whole zone!" Squeaked Xattin in a high pitched, almost female voice.

Xattin squeaked and coughed as he took a bit of pondweed. "Ah yeah, the pet can handle it right man?"

"Don't listen her her! She's high! Just past the Gate!" Cried the monk in response to Xattin's squeak of a camp check.

Xattin giggled and jumped into Lizwen's arms and lightly touched the apprentice's cheek,

"Hehe. I can pretend to be a girl. I wish I was a girl that'd be awesome then I could make out with the guild lobby girls and with you, Slyzeth."

Lizwen jumped back and pulled down her hood in offense. "What the hell man! What you tryin' to do? I'm not Slyzeth!"

Xattin laughed loudly and collapsed on the floor, his head full of pondweed smoke.

The pretty monk placed a hand meekly before her lips as she glanced at the collapsed Gnome.

"Oh dear! I'll drag him and we can keep fighting huh?"

"Its not that different," thought Lizwen.

A bit later, on one of the many nameds, a more sober Lizwen and monk came across the key to Grieg's lair.

"What happened? Why's there a wizard spire here? A blue teleporter. I saw one of those in Erudin once," Xattin questioned and muttered even later.

"Man, we're just going to check if Grieg is up. I'm sure we can kill him," Lizwen responded.

"Uh-uh. No way! Didn't Mad teach you about risk assessment? I think he spawns guards or something."

"Yeah but he drops a nice white horse," the monk mused.

Against better judgment, they took the teleporter to Grieg's only to find his corpse and his belongings long gone…

"Never anything good in this land," the monk sighed as she glanced at the purple ghost-spirit remains of Grieg.

"So, you're not a guy," thought Xattin outloud.

Lizwen replied promptly, "I like don't think this is gonna work. You're too short and… And what about that cleric lady? What's her face? I thought you liked her man."

The gnome shook his head, "Nah, nah. She's cool but…"

Anyway, who the FUCK says monkess? Damn gnomes, good nothing for being roast with an apple in their mouths.


	21. Wall of Slaughter Murks

Chapter XIV: Wall of Slaughter Murks

Froggy Mae was picky when it came to groups, but as a shaman in her 60th season somewhere she couldn't afford it no matter how twinked. Her high level connections were slowly becoming raiders or had little time to spare her.

"I don't like certain company Troll, but sometimes I must venture out and not on my own."

Unless she was raid twinked, but she wasn't since those targets had long died. Shamans, unliked mages, weren't killing powerhouses, they were slower and more supporting of a group.

To hasten her experience and increase her wealth in Norrath she accepted an invitation to Wall of Slaughter by a warrior and his group.

Before her stood the wastelands of Kuua beyond the desert gorge and the Scar in the home of the funny Dranik people. Those were dragon-headed dragon people always in trouble with those Discordian things.

Anyway small roving groups of Krenshin like monsters called bazus, giant corrupt wolves with tentacles on backs, and chimeras were roaming the empty wastes under a dead brown sky like elephants in the Karanas.

She avoided the dangers with a simple spell and made her way to a certain cave that was great experience as a shadowknight. I spent much time there.

In the cave lurked undead jellyfish-like things called murks. They hurt and cast poison… Oh and there was a big queen that took like a group or two to kill that you had to avoid.

The group was a modest, there was a Barbarian warrior, a high elf paladin, and two rangers one was a woodelf the other only half.

The barbarian's face was covered with half a blue weld and he had thick black hair.

The high elf paladin was bald and silent and tall. He shone with goodness but not for long…

"Okay Frog, you heal me and the rangers and slow the beasts."

"Simple enough."

The rangers looked almost like brothers, perhaps they were half brothers both with bright orange hair.

"Great another healer, those murks won't know what hit 'em," one of the near twins said.

Frog smiled at this, she loved being important. She shrunk herself so that she could follow the group on her drogmir.

With the smack of a shrukien against its leathery, wispy dark hide a red-eyespotted murk rushed the warrior. The beast fell quickly enough.

More came along at the group, even as Froggy sat relaxing one managed to sneak up on her. The group dispatched of the beasts.

Kuua was a very dangerous place. Every spot waited an ambush.

Luckily, even for someone as badly geared as myself the monsters in that cave were very weak.

"Nasty creatures these murks, luckily their hides and tentacles sell well in the bazaar."

As she looted the creature's corpses she examined one to find among the most valuable trade skill components in Norrath at the time, slugworms.

"My word! There're slugworms infesting this murk's corpse!" She mooed at her group mates.

Unlike their shammy, they were badly, badly geared and to sell the slugworms in the bazaar would be a blessing for any of the three of them.

Quickly, the barbarian removed from his pack a pair of dice, as did the others.

In any adventurer's kit always carry multisided dice, while it won't give you hints or do extra damage against dragons, not property, it will give you gear in Norrath….

"Let's roll for it." Suggested the warrior.

"Ok," "Sure," responded the rangers.

The paladin refused, for he didn't seek material goods.

"Agreed," the frog mooed. She was going to roll against those poor, poor bastards. Even though she was a good sider she loved the coin more than goodness.

Guess that's why she was a tradeskiller in a tradeskilling guild.

Anyway, after rolling a 1000 out of 1000 on the thousand faced die Froggie took her ill-earned loot. For luck as well as groups favors not the prepared but the connected.

Again, they resumed the killing, the curious half-elf was more interested in what was the funny big monster he sensed in the caves.

He approached the queen, a massive dark, thinking she was just another murk he shot her with an arrow… She killed him with a mere few hits.

Or so the frog mused when they found his corpse outside the queen's room.

"Poor fool, they never change…" She muttered to herself as she examined the corpse covered with tentacle marks.

They continued killing, perhaps as a result the warrior didn't stop as often for the froglok to meditate.

"I will need rest soon, my mana poor nor health pool are infinite."

They ignored her pleas and continued killing. Soon, they were overwhelmed by three murks and the warrior's health was low. The paladin tried to tank but his gear was worse then mine, the murks quickly ran over him like a gnome under a giant's foot.

"There's too many, even if you had mana we can't damage this many fast enough," the warrior panicked, speaking slowly and clearly.

Froggie may puffed up her chest and rode her drogmir toward the beasts after landing a few group heals.

"Flee, I shall remain. Do not return."

Thus, they fled and were awestruck by the froglok's bravery and self-sacrifice.

Rumors for a bit said the old froglok was dead.

"But nay, fools such as they don't deserve to have life handed to them. I drank a spare potion I won from playing cards which restored mah mana. Then, I slew the murks and I continued doing so, alone."


	22. Willing

Chapter XX: Willing

For the seventh through eightieth seasons, some say even the 65th and up there's a spot in Faydwer where experience just flies by. A place of the Gnomes off Steamfront Mountains called Dragonscale Hills on an abandoned farm owned by gnomes. It had just opened at the time and was flooded with adventurers.

I feel hungry thinking of Gnome.

Seasons, alternate experience and so on flew by in that place, so much so there were waiting lists, bribes and these funny things called resumes/CV to get in to the group at farm.

Many a time I was turned away from the farm, since it was full and placed at the bottom of the waitinglist. I signed up when I was the seventh season but didn't get in until I was the seventy-first.

Before going into the hills, I stopped at a camp to get the task to clean up the farm for Sigglik. This was the secret to experience and gaining the weird techno gnomies faction.

The keyword for this chance at easy experience? Willing.

I made my way through the hills, careful to avoid the giant robot that housed a factory in its boot. Once, I was kicked by the robot, I barely survived with a fraction of my health.

I passed the hill leading to farm and I saw a gathering of adventurers, some kneeling and pleading, others shoving a paper at the group below.

"We need a group!" They begged, and they would go no where else. The cries fell on silent ears as monks feigned death and wizards took naps.

The group was focused on defeating crows, pumpkin-headed possessed scarecrows and beetles. For even the worst geared group in Norrath, these monsters were ridiculously simple to dispatch.

For the worst geared individual person in Norrath, unless a mage or necromancer, these were impossible.

I took my place in the group as the tank, and I even had a purple elven healer at my back. Life was simple as days passed at our camp. The experience was so good I gained seasons and abilities at a remarkable speed. People came and left our camp but I remained… Until Bloodbeak joined three scarecrows.

Bloodbeak was a cursed big crow, big as me, that had bloodfilled sockets instead of eyes. A flap of his wings and a slash of his claws against my face fucked me up. I bled heavily as the healer panicked to keep me afloat. He was nearly dead, but it hurt too much my simple Troll mind was fading into nothing. More nothing than usual even.

Finally, I surrendered to the beast's vicious peaking and I pretended to be dead…. My head swam as it hit the soft fertile earth.

The grape elf, all of them were dead! I didn't look, I continued to pretend to be dead. I knew they were dead, I heard their gasps and I heard the unmistakable sound of bodies hitting the earth with a thud. I heard nothing after.

As soon as I feigned the desperate group seekers came and took our camp, without asking or concern. They shoved the bodies aside with those of the crows my group had slain and continued our slaughter after killing Bloodbeak.

I arose, shakily and bleeding.

"What the hell are you doing here? Get the hell out of our camp! NOW!" A bright red-nosed Barbarian warrior shrieked. He had to be the leader and tank of the camp usurpers.

I said nothing and left quickly as possible. After bandaging my wounds I went to look for another group.

I wandered until I found the skeleton of a dragon infested by beetles. Xattin and Froggie Mae were sitting around on weird wolf things called worgs. Kikka was there too, on a simple white horse with her robe undone revealing a silver of tempting flesh.

They didn't have a full group yet, so I had to ask.

"Durr, guys, hey can I join?" I tried to ask nicely as a Troll SK could, but there was a long pause.

"Hmm, what say you two? That Troll is gimped," whispered the Frog to her counterparts loudly. They began to gather around the frog, almost in a huddle.

"My pet can tank better than him. Maybe we should wait for my boyfriend if we need a tank. He's in LRA too Xattie."

Xattin was more reasonable, "Troll's cool, I say we give him a chance. Not his fault on gear. Bad XP anyway with three people"

"True, anyway more DPS means more death," The frog turned away from her huddle, "Very well, Troll, you may join us."

So, I continued killing beetles like at the farm. It went way faster, we killed beetles at a ridiculous speed with Froggie's haste and Jaguar or whatever spell that made my weapon grow a cat's head to bite the beetles. All the pets' weapons had this too.

Kikka was nice enough to get me weapons and a haste mask for my skeleton Loner.

Soon, we were all out of beetles and the mages and shammy still had mana.

"We're good," Kikka announced jovially, pleased with both us and mostly herself.

As we waited for more beetles to appear I had a bad idea.

"Duh, uh guys why don't anybody attack the robots south of the farm?"

The group was deep in thought and agreed to let me pull one….

The Gnomes had these little steamworks that looked just like them, and when they attacked they went BOING to spring! And then they'd wind up again to strike. They struck fast.

I was blasted with five, crippling hits to the body and neck by the little steamwork. Everything hurt and I almost collapsed before even reaching camp.

"Help guys?"

The mages pets couldn't even tank the steamwork, nor could I and Froggie was afraid to try to off tank the beast. Kikka's brave pet died in the assault. Finally, I cast a few hate spells on the beast and an invulrability spell on myself and allowed the pets to tank while I sat as a hurt-free target.

"All shall hear the words of Meldrath," the beast clanked before it died. Okay, maybe it just went whiz click whiz and I was hallucinating onna counta da blood loss 'n pain.

Maybe iz wuz da pondweed from earlier but I doubbta dat.

"My word! What a horrible battle! Those are massive undercons!" The frog exclaimed all fancily like.

So, we continued killing beetles, it was pretty unnotable. There was a named who dropped a beautiful red armor augumentation that offered a massive increase to my armor class. While the casters medded again I heard a few gems;

"Disgusting Gnome, I would never! How dare you? Ask again and I'll strike you."

Xattin chuckled wickedly, who knew what he asked.

"Slyzeth's apprentice is hot, wish I could get under her robes." Xattin mused.

"I sure hope not," Froggy remarked.

"I saw this guy from GODS, I think he's a ranger." Xatin paused and looked at the sky before raising a knowing finger at it, "No, maybe he's a warior. Anyway, he's a frog like you and I see him sit in the lobby pool with his head between his legs… I bet he uses that long tongue." 

"Enough! I don't wish to hear youurr vulgar stories!"

I laughed, because I'd seen it. Kikka was too busy stroking her nice tender breasts.

"How dare you laugh vulgar Troll? Have you no sense of decency?" The frog roared more as she saw my gaze on Kikka, "Look away from there! Can't you see she's not well? Go on! Look away!"

"But so prettah! Funny feeling wen I watch," I drooled.

Xattin laughed, "Yeah funny feelings. Ha!"

The morality frog quickly slapped us with her heavy backpack.

"Barbarians!" She howled as she continued to assault our heads with the backpack. Luckily, it was filled of summoned cake and didn't hurt much. I wish a real Barbarian in a strong kilt was there to knock her out.

Time went by, and finally the group began to drift apart. Xattin had to attend a LRA testing meeting, since he was going to join them. Kikka's boyfriend needed her attention and lastly, Froggy had a tradeskillers thing at the bazaar.

Again I was alone, and I didn't trust my abilities on the beetles. I was able to slay one alone but it took a long time.

I wandered past a minotaur filled mine that was being emptied by a ranger with a quiver of arrows. He headshot each minotaur slaying it with a single arrow.

I obviously wouldn't be allowed there, I continued until I got lost in a haunted wood filled with cobwebs and possessed bushes and nightmares like my horsie.

I didn't have a map and even if I did, on account of my low intelligence I wouldn't be able to use it.

I saw a little dark elf in dark chain armor in the woods, "Are you lost or something?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to farm?" 

I waved my hand in dismissal, "Nah, dere's no room."

The cabbage elf paused as if thinking, "I have a group at the brownies you could join."

"Durr, okay!" So I followed. Upon closer glance I saw he was a rogue cuz he had two daggers, on even closer glance I see he wuz in DD cause he had a castle called a rook etched on his armor.

I saw something funny, like houses made of Innothule fugus men up in the trees. Little people like bixies with funny tattoos lived in it.

They were small and nearly killed me with a single hit.

Good thing we had a 60th season cabbage elf cleric with us and I always mutter feign death real fast!

I also saw one of the rarest professions in all of Norrath, more elusive than the duocorn or a dark elf paladin and an Inny-worshiping froglok ranger combined; the enchanter.

Necessary in raids and required by groups, the enchanter limits all progress in saving the world by their limited numbers. Not many clerics or tanks but it even harder to find chanter. Too many mages and necros.

Hordes of monsters threaten all who forget the importance of the crowd controller.

"Don't cast any spells to make the monsters hate you; I'm just a rogue and I don't have taunt."

After getting a better haste from Zeniel, a raider's rank 3… I did nothing with it. I could barely swing my sword before the bixies were all over me. I could barely cast a poison spear spell.

"Dey can smell da weakness. I ain't uber geared lik yoo guys."

"Don't worry about it, We're simply leveling up his sister and maybe a few alts. that drop in." Zeniel responded. He was of the 76th season now with the raid gear from the new events of punching out Meldrath's followers.

"Aren't you an alt?" I said outloud, breaking the fourth wall. 

"No, I quit long ago, come back and my friends still remembered me."

There are few true newbies, more people coming back.

I wanted to turn bitter troll, where was my group to power level me so I could get into a bleeding edge raiding guild? But noo, I had to stay in character, anyway, like in real life I was too stupid and uncharismatic to really communicate my problems.

Wait, wasn't I being power leveled in a way along with cabbage cleric?

"Durr."

So it went, but of course things can never be perfect, especially with a low level cleric and a rogue as tank.

We were in a new zone, raiding event strategies were highly classified and contested.

I mean, Durr LRA no lieks DD and dey steal fom one a nather. Dey both da big ones.

The rogue managed to get a few too many little people but Zeniel was able to control the angry bixies with some chanter stuff. But more and more bixies kept dropping from the trees for no apparent reason. One was even a queen!

I knew, in dread that the enchanter's vast mana pool was decreasing and the bixies were rolling in without a mem wipe or fade or whatever it is chanters do.

It was like the purple elf forest in my nightmares as a baby. The little bees keep coming and coming until I died. Except instead of little fat bee ladies its little skinny bee-human hybrids.

It was crazy to watch how many a raider could keep mezzed and I began to wonder if we were being trained…

I heard a familiar clanking… and BOING!

"TRAIN!" I howled right before I muttered a pass out spell.

I kept an eye open as the chanter was able to still keep some mezzed by AE or whatever. Maybe it was just a stun. Whatever it was wouldn't stick long on some of the robots started attacking us. They hit too hard and the cleric tried to cast her best spell. Either she sacrificed herself or she panicked. Knowing a sister of Inny, she most likely panicked.

They clanked and boing and jingled toward the cleric rather than run for the rogue or chanter…They left a corpse and began to clank toward the two.

Zeniel must have gated and the rogue sidestepped the train somehow with a look of shock on his face.

In the end all was left was a mangled purple body and a few oil slicks. The rogue just stared… I dun think he could say anything.

Zeniel came back but the rogue left without talking to us. No body talked. I still wanted to kill bixies and sat on the ground. No death would deter me from my experience.

The enchanter looked at my feigned corpse in surprise, "With what just occurred you still want to xp Troll?" 

"Yeah!"

He was silent for a bit, at first I thought maybe he was a follower of a goodie god or something.

"Well aren't you determined? That and your archaic raiding gear… Do you want to join a raiding guild?" He finally said. 

"Well yeah, duh." I responded as I unfeigned.

"I suppose that will do, yes…. Sometimes you need to be cold to raid. If your emotions control you it can be damaging…." He paused as if thinking about something about emotions, I dunno. Then he continued with a smack on my shoulder, "Anyway, keep working on your skills Troll, maybe there'll be a place for you yet. There are places where you can learn new techniques…"

So, he charmed a bixie and we kept killing for a while and he talked about strategy. Stuff like swarm kiting. It was good ability gaining but it wasn't fast. I had to spam my life taps to stay alive even with those monsters slowed.

When he had to go leave for a raid in Meldrath's Mansion I took a trip back to Sigglik's place to turn in crow wings and hay to some Gnome by there…

But I got kicked by the robot first. Getting kicked by a zoneline isn't a fun experience. It hurt horribly and I almost passed out.


	23. Ending of a Shimmering Dream

Chapter XXI: Ending of a Shimmering Dream

Everyone was crying as they walked the narrow underways of the new arena. Bunches of snobs all of them. I and an Ogre from GODS arrived in the arena on my way to Rathe Mountains.

They were rich and maybe their family suffered but I bet they forgot how hard it was to start. I bet they didn't remember being happy with cloth and a bronze dagger if they claimed to be from the older days.

I heard some big trade skiller was getting married and me and a friend thought it'd be funny to crash the wedding. Or at least cake. Who the hell gets married in the arena?

Perfect for some surprise PeeVeePee, take a few hits and scare everyone. Watch 'em run as I chase them on my nightmare and laugh into the day. I had seen that done before.

The things you hear by waiting in the guild lobby.

Things like Blacktoe and that chanter girl breaking up 'cause she was with Waluce. Then later that she broke up with Waluce 'cause he cheated on her with a dwarf cleric lady.

Things about Kikka undergoing training to join LRA or unable to since there was a mass overrepresentation of mages in the guild.

Things like Xattin developing a few drug habits and chasing everything that walked.

Waluce being a heart breaker.

Things like orgies, naked blood magic guild orientations and ninja looting. 'N things like marriages of people, break ups and rumors you don't care about nor know.

It was mere months before then that GODS instituted a last-ditch mentorship program to boost their numbers. We had a huge boom of members both good and bad.

They knew things, they knew drama, they know what pondweed was good to smoke and so on.

Anyway, the bells tolled loudly, almost loud enough to be heard in the planes, that Froggie Mae was marrying Dalvoria Ironsong.

Dalvoria sounded like a guildie's name, she was a pally.

I wasn't invited, I hated that snob of a frog and I didn't give a shit; I wanted my wedding cake! Hopefully, someone would AE wedding cake.

"Excuse me, I don't believe you've been invited," some generic dark elf shadow knight guy told me. He was the kind the girls and some guys drooled over short with a feminine face, short white hair as well as stature. All prettish.

"Weddin' cake!" I promptly responded as I clenched my sword tightly in response to pretty boy's accusation.

"Oh come on, can't you see I'm in League of Renowned Adventurers? I would beat you into place Troll," Pretty boy obviously threatened.

No wonder, everyone loves a raider. 'N dat's wut LRA meant.

With that, the most embarrassing fight happened at the Frog's wedding. I tried my best at the beginning but I got pwned by that guy. His weapon hurt my skin so much and he musta had twice my AC and HP.

Everyone laughed at me and thought I was entertainment as I was beaten almost half to death.

I got my wedding cake from a magic wedding AE and begged some summoned booze off Xattin. Why? Cuz I was da jester!

"Too bad that Mae's a frog. Be real hot to watch some girl's 'ey Troll?"

I roared in agreement as I gnawed at my cake like a furious, wild staveing bear at a rotting carcass. It was vanilla with some magic elfie stuff and tasted delicious and fattening. Whereas most could eat one, I could eat two slices.

It made me even feel smarter and prettier! I chugged whole stack of twenty summoned ale down to make me feel normal.

I left the wedding feeling pretty good and real swell, but my dreams would crash and my path towards raiderhood would begin that day on my return to the guild hall to arrange some augs.

Quinlaeu looked shock, his eyes nearly popped out of his head as he heard something from a young Iksar necromancer, Lavubi's apprentice.

"That's very sad. I'm afraid we don't have any free necromancers to replace her. Perhaps you can find someone out of guild? I don't think that frog guy would appreciate it."

"Wut happened?" I asked.

The Iksar hissed with downcast eyes, "Lavubi isss dead, ssshe jumped into the Deep! It wass on purposse we were no where near the bridge. Sshe's been sso ssad."

I nearly feinted, "Qwhaaat? No! Why?" I sniffed the air loudly to hold back my petty un-shadowknightly tears.

"Iss don't know! Maybe ssshe was sssick?"

Quinlaeu grumbled as some adventurers walked in after the wedding.

"Master Quinleau," Paws began as she kneeled politely before the human," Thank you for everything, but I feel I have advanced past my nest and must join my flock in Darkness Descending. They have accepted my application and I'm about to begin my testing."

Quinleau grabbed her by the shoulders "No Paws, you can't leave! You're a founding officer! You've been here for years!"

Paws shook her head, "I told you about this and you accepted."

"I did…" Quinlaeu's unnatural rage chilled, "Came fast didn't it? I hate to see you go. Please visit us, don't forget us Paws."

Xattin approached him with a drunk swagger, his epic 1.5 in one hand and a threatening finger on the other, "I quit dis Bertoxxulous-skull-fucked worthless guild! I'm leavin' for LRA!"

"You can't leave!" Quinlaeu paused as a rant grew in his quiet mind, "You know what gnome? You've been nothing but trouble since you got here cryin' that no one will help your selfish foolish self. Go on! Get the hell out! No one wants your evil attitude! LRA's gonna laugh at your gimp geared and no AAed ass."

"Fuck you monk! This guild ain't done shit for me!"

The monk returned the word, "No, fuck you Gnome! And fuck your pet too! And fuck your epic!"

With that, Xattin flipped the aviak and walked out of the guild for good.

A few watched the outburst.

Next, Mad approached, "I will be taking leave in Southern Ro for a while. I feel its best if I resign from this guild before then."

"What?" Quinlaeu blinked with clenched teeth, "It's that goddamned Xattin ain't it? What'd he do Mad… What he do…"

"No, simply your policy states if I'll be gone for a year or two that I should leave." Mad coolly responded.

"Leave then mage. Worthless backstabbing mages! Abandoning me!" Quinlaeu shouted as he glanced about in paranoia.

"Perhaps if you were only more reasonable…" Mad slapped Quinlaeu across the back and left.

Next, a cascade of faces approached Quinlaeu, others simply threw down their gear with the guild insigna.

Finally, our numbers dwindled from the hundreds to a mere fifteen including myself.

I too approached Quinlaeu, since I am a follower.

"Duh, boss, I ain't wanna be in dis guild no more."

"What? You can't leave us!"

"Duh, sorry boss but dis guild stinks. Xattin and da froog are right. We just numbers. All Iz got was that group in Meysa."

Quinleau shook me in rage, pulled off my insigna and threw me outside of the guild hall.

"Please, Quellious! Don't let me be alone… Please? Oh no…" Moaned Quinlaeu behind me as he was quickly enshrouded in darkness and forever alone.

Waluce grumbled, "I'll help us rebuild, BAR can wait…."


End file.
